


A Knight in Shining Armour

by chloeanneeee



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Abusive Relationship, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Friendship, M/M, Magic, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-19
Updated: 2013-01-26
Packaged: 2017-11-26 02:10:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 29,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/645390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chloeanneeee/pseuds/chloeanneeee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern day, and the mighty merlin is working in a cafe, with Gwen at one side as his best friend and Gaius at his other as his boss and carer. Until mysterious lover Mordre...-Michael walks into Merlins cafe, and therefore his life. Michael is not who he seems, and Merlin seeks help and comfort from his new friend, Arthur. It has been said that history can repeat itself, and Michael hopes that it does so he can get the revenge in which he thinks he deserves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just in case

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alex28](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alex28/gifts).



> Thanks for reading this, I have to admit that this was written in under three weeks and towards the end I am not sure if my writings skills are up to scratch so will happily accept any criticism about this piece :)

August, 2005

“Two cappuccinos, both with cinnamon, and a regular black coffee, please.” Merlin nodded his head swiftly and turned to the coffee machine and proceeded to bash the old coffee beans out of the grinder and began to make two fresh coffees for the present customer. Pressing the correct buttons to release the amount of coffee needed, Merlin wiped his sleeve on his forehead before steaming the milk. He poured the customer his two cappuccinos, foaming the milk perfectly, before pouring him a mug of coffee from the filter jug.

“That’s £4 exactly then, please.” He calculated quickly in his head before politely holding his hand out for the gentlemen’s change.

“Thanks.” He replied, taking his tray of coffees before returning to the table with what looked like his wife and possibly son.

Merlin allowed his eyes to wonder to the customer’s table – they were the only customers in the café – whilst semi-consciously wiping up some spilt milk, and tidying the front desk. The gentleman he served was sipping from his own cappuccino whilst passing his wife the other. The other man at the table, Merlin guessed he was the gentlemen’s son, as they looked quite similar, however couldn’t have been much older than Merlin. He had a pale, smooth skinned face and his dark hair almost covered his eyes which, sensed being watched, flickered up to meet Merlin’s.

Merlin looked away quickly, trying to make himself look busy by constantly wiping the same spot on the front desk as though the milk had stained it or had become corrosive – Merlin was highly aware of how ridiculous he was making himself look, yet he couldn’t help but look back to the table. The boy was still staring at him, though this time Merlin could see through his hair to his striking blue eyes. Merlin smiled weakly, and the boy looked away.

Rolling his eyes at himself, Merlin turned around to begin cleaning the coffee machine, it was half an hour away from closing, and with his boss, Gaius, having gone home sick less than an hour into the day, Merlin had to keep the café going by himself all day and that means cleaning it at the end of the day too. He was too busy banging coffee out of the coffee grinder he used for the cappuccinos he hadn’t noticed someone standing at the front desk. Once he turned round, he almost jumped out of his skin at the sight of the boy standing there.

“Sorry, I did not mean to frighten you.” He held out a hand, open as though it was a sign of peace and apology. His voice was smooth, enchanting almost. 

Merlin shook his head, wiping his hands on his apron, “No, no. It’s no worries, I mean – you didn’t frighten me, I’m fine, I should have known-” Well aware that he was  
mumbling, he felt his cheeks flush and stopped talking. “Can I help you?” He finally asked, “Is everything okay with your coffees?” He glanced over to the table where the man and woman sat, chattering.

“No, I mean Yes, everything is fine with the coffees.” The boy smiled, his eyes sparkling – or did Merlin just imagine that? Dimples imprinted on the boys cheeks as he continued. “I was just wondering if I could have a small bit of milk, for the regular coffee?”

“Oh!” Merlin laughed, wondering why he was acting like such a prat in front of a stranger – a strangely attractive stranger yes, but a stranger none the less. “I thought it was a black coffee, of course I’ll get you some milk.” Merlin turned, opened the fridge and grabbed the milk out before pouring a small bit into a silver jug.

“Yeah, sorry.” The boy continued. “My Father’s mistake. You’d have thought he’d order milk with it, you know, just in case.” He nodded humbly.

“Yeah, just in case. It’s not a worry.” Merlin pushed the jug across the counter towards the boy and couldn’t help but notice the boy staring at his chest, and more specifically at his name badge. “Yes, my name is Merlin.” He stated, a little more impatiently than he had meant to and instantly felt apologetic. “Sorry.” He mumbled.

“No, my apologies! I didn’t mean to stare.” The boy laughed.

“Well, now that you know my name, I believe it’s only fair that I know yours, right? Just in case?” Merlin smoothly stated, hardly believing him self. Flirting at work? Flirting with a stranger? Flirting with a stranger that it is highly likely to be completely straight? Merlin was suddenly glad that Gaius was not here to witness this.

“Just in case, eh? I’m Mord-“ The boy stopped himself, scrunching his face in thought only slightly, quick enough for Merlin to hardly notice, “Michael.” He said convincingly.

“Mord-Michael?” Merlin joked, “almost as bad as Merlin.”

The boy smiled, and Merlin felt himself chuckling along as well, almost contagiously. “Just Michael.” He nodded, taking the milk from the counter. “Thanks, Merlin.” He smiled again, locking eyes with Merlin once more before turning back to his family and joining them with their coffees.

Merlin let out a large sigh of breath, which he hadn’t realised, he had been holding and turned again to start cleaning the coffee machine. Whilst waiting for the final grinder to rinse he flicked his phone out, checking his emails and messages. 11 emails, mostly from shops trying to sell him the summer sales, he swiftly deleted all of them before moving on to his unread message. It was from Gwen, his life long best friend.

Coming to see you, might even help you clean up if you’re lucky! X

Merlin smiled at the text and just has he slid it back into his pocket he heard the tapping of feet and in bounded into his sight was Gwen. She was a beautiful girl, and pretty much the reason most people knew Merlin was gay. She was the first to know, she still claims that she knew Merlin was gay before he even did, yet the questions amongst others started three years ago, back in high school – “How had Merlin been able to keep his hands off beautiful Gwen?” “Must be gay, mustn’t he!” Well yes, that would be the reason. It started off as mere jokes, and people still genuinely believed he was straight and just plain frigid. Merlin spent a long time, at least a year, wondering what would be worse – people thinking he was frigid? Or people knowing he was gay? The thinking came to an end when he was caught kissing the leader of the art club at college, who happened to be male, openly gay and absolutely gorgeous. That finally allowed people to click together the pieces.

“Hey, Gwen! I just got your text!” He smiled at the sight of his best friend leaning across the counter at him. Her brown, curly locks resting carelessly on the counter. Her eyelashes flickered, moving her fringe slightly and her face fell.

“I text that over an hour ago!” She stood up straight, crossing her arms over her chest, “and you’ve only just read it?”

“I….I am working, Gwen!” Gesturing to the almost empty café and realising that it didn’t seem a liable excuse to Gwen, “anyway, if you sent it over an hour ago how come you’ve only just arrived? Your house is less than a ten minute walk away from here, I do believe?” Merlin watched as Gwen grew more and more embarrassed, unfolding her arms and reaching a hand to scratch her head suspiciously.

“I…I got distracted!” She said, smiling sweetly.

“Not by a strapping young fellow called Lance, by any chance?”

Merlin didn’t move quick enough, Gwen had whipped a tea towel off the side and leant across the counter to whip at Merlin.

“Shush, you!” She squealed, before lifting the side desk and walking through the back of the counter to join Merlin.

“Hey, you’re not allowed back here! Staff only!” Merlin joked.

Gwen pointed a finger at Merlin’s face, “It’s down to me you have this job! Now would you like help cleaning up, or not?” She folded her arms again, trying to make her petit body look as authoritative as it possibly good without bursting into giggles.

“That is not true! Gaius would’ve hired me – he knows me!” He looked again at Gwen’s stern face and changed the course of the sentence, “Yes, please, Guinevere.”

She snatched an apron from the side and swung it over her head, tying it up tightly. “Do not call me, Guinevere!”

“Sorry, my lovely. Would you prefer…Mrs…Lance?” Merlin grimaced, “What is Lance’s last name anyway?”

“Will you please stop talking about Lance?” Gwen huffed, grabbing the broom from the cupboard and began sweeping. “Would you like to marry him?”

Merlin scoffed, “No.” he shook his head. “Not my type.” He stated. “Too much hair here,” he motioned to his chin, “too prickly for me.” He laughed at Gwen’s face.

“Prefer your men cleanly shaven then, Merlin? Smooth skinned?”

“Exactly.” He winked at Gwen then turned to the counter at the sound of a tray being placed there. The young boy, Michael, stood, looking at him. Merlin's eyes latched onto his face, look at how smooth skinned this boy was and suddenly felt flushed. 

“Thank you, for the coffees.” He smiled, his eyes sparkling once again – Merlin did not imagine it this time. They were truly beautiful.

“No problem.” Merlin smiled, walking over to the counter to take the tray, nodding at the boys parents in thanks as they left the café.

“Here,” Michael dug into his pocket, “Have a tip, for dealing with my Father’s poor orders.” He held out his hand, balled into a fist.

“Oh no, don’t worry about that.” Michael continued to look consistent however, “Thank you.” Merlin smiled, shyly. He balanced the tray in one hand and held out his other to accept Michael’s offering. He felt the coins drop into his hand, but clasped onto something that felt like paper also. He opened his hand, hoping that Michael had not left him a tip in note form, as that would have cost him more than the coffee’s did. However, it was plain white. He looked up, to motion to Michael that he had given him some paper accidently but the boy was gone.

He carried the tray into the kitchen, and placed it down before examining the tip. Sure enough, Michael had left him two pounds tip, and sure enough he had also left Merlin some paper.

“Oh…” Merlin unrolled the paper, revealing a number scribbled onto the paper and signed “Mord-michael ;) here’s my number, just in case.”


	2. A day off and flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Two minutes up the road.” Michael raised his eyebrows, smiling at Merlin “Want to come over?”   
> “Sure.” Michael smiled; turning on his heels and began walking beside Merlin back to his flat, and Merlin resisted the strange urge to slip his hand into the almost-stranger’s hand.

August, 2005

Merlin’s only day off was a Monday, which was convenient as it was also Gwen’s day off also. He wondered the two-minute walk down his road from their flat that they shared (obviously) to the small shop on the corner – Albion convenience. He opened the door to be greeted by the ding-dong of the bell that rang out throughout the shop, alerting the shopkeeper.

“Ahhh, Good morning, Mr Merlin, Sir.” Merlin smiled. The shopkeeper had called him that from the very first day they met even though Merlin insisted him not to. He continued to address Gwen ‘Miss Guinevere’ too, and Gwen always flushed red at the name. He was an old man, the only hairs left on his head were grey, and his hips kept the old man from walking around too much, yet he always came out to greet Merlin and Guinevere. 

“Good morning, Mr Smith.” Merlin politely nodded at him, and began scanning for items he may need. He spotted the small pile of flowers and wondered over. He picked up some yellow tulips, and smelt them, smiling at his choice – Yellow has always been Gwen’s favourite colours.

“Ahhh, special girl on the scene, Mr Merlin?” Mr Smith seemed to have a habit of doing that, speaking out of turn and appearing just at Merlin’s side when he least expected it. Though used to it after a year of visiting the shop, Merlin still jumped.

“What? Oh no, they’re for Gwen.” Merlin smiled, pulling his wallet from his pocket and wondered slowly over to the counter to lead Mr Smith there also. Mr Smith also had a habit of forgetting Merlin’s homosexuality, and insisting he and ‘Miss Guinevere’ belonged together. Merlin liked to end these conversations as promptly as possible, and right now could feel another one brewing.

“Ahhh, how is young Miss Guinevere?” Mr Smith asked, taking the tulips from Merlin’s hands and neatly tying a red ribbon around the stalks. 

“Very well, thank you.” Merlin stated, bluntly yet still politely.

“Ahhh, no. Is there trouble in the Merlin-Gwen household?” Mr Smith asked, gesturing to the tulips he was now placing in a small plastic bag. 

“Why would there be?” 

“Flowers – an apologetic way to a young woman’s heart.” Mr Smith beamed as though he had discovered a secret from Merlin. Merlin laughed.

“Mr Smith, you should know by now that me and Guinevere are not an item, and in fact we both find the same gender attractive!” 

Mr Smith waved his hands in front of his face bashfully, “Two lovely young people cannot be in such close proximity and…”

“How much do I owe you, Mr Smith?” Merlin smiled, politely at the old, traditional man. It was not his fault the old man believed in such fairy tale love.

“Ahhh, two pounds and fifty pence if you will please Mr Merlin, sir.”

Merlin took three pound coins from his wallet and passed them over to the old man, “Keep the change.”

“Ahhh, thank you Mr Merlin, sir. Send my love to Miss Guinevere, and send her your own as well!” He shouted out to Merlin as he exited the shop.

“Good bye, Mr Smith!” He bellowed back, shaking his head and laughing at the old man’s innocence. Instead, he probably should have looked where he was going when he bumped into something, causing the flowers and his wallet to fall out of his hand.

“Watch it!” The angry voice caused Merlin to look up in apology, when he met a pair of striking blue eyes. 

“Michael?” Merlin stepped back as the sparkling eyes he encountered a fortnight ago turned dark and angry. 

“Oh, Merlin.” And they turned light again, friendly and warm. “So sorry, are these yours?”

Michael knelt on his knees in front of Merlin, the sight made Merlin flush. Michael stood again, holding Gwen’s tulips and his wallet in his hands, smiling. 

“Yes…” Merlin’s throat croaked. He coughed, clearing his throat. “Yes, yes thank you they are.” 

“Lucky lady.” Michael smiled, his eyes catching Merlin’s confused ones, “Or man, I suppose.” 

“Err…” Merlin wasn’t quite sure what to say. Michael must have known Merlin was gay, or he wouldn’t have left his number two weeks ago. Yet the flowers were not for anyone he was romantically connected to anyway, only Gwen, so why was Merlin feeling embarrassed at the thought of Michael’s jealousy?

“Suppose that’s why you haven’t texted me or anything,” Michael continued, “I’m sorry, I should have never presumed you were…” It was Michael’s turn for his voice to be caught in his throat.

“I was what?” Merlin asked, knowing that Michael clearly presumed, correctly presumed, he was gay by overhearing his and Gwen’s conversation at his work.

“Single.” 

“Oh.”

“I should go.”

“No.” 

The conversation moved so quickly that Merlin could hardly understand own thoughts.

“What?”

“Don’t go. I’m not.” 

“Huh?” Michael smiled, putting his fiddling hands into his pockets.

“I’m, err, I’m not…single, I mean. I am single. I’m not taken. I’m…single.” Merlin stuttered. Michael pointed at the flowers, questioningly. “For Gwen.” Merlin answered.

“The girl in the café?”

“That’s her. She’s my flat mate. And friend. Best friend.” Merlin realised he was being overly sloppy, and stopped his sentences.

“Ah. You live around here?” Michael rocked back and forth on his heels. 

“Two minutes up the road.” Michael raised his eyebrows, smiling at Merlin “Want to come over?” 

“Sure.” Michael smiled; turning on his heels and began walking beside Merlin back to his flat, and Merlin resisted the strange urge to slip his hand into the almost-stranger’s hand.

~

Merlin slid the key into the door, turned it and pushed the door open, before slipping his shoes off and onto the rack, causing Michael to follow suit. He followed Merlin down the long corridor, scanning the walls with his eyes to see several photo frames pinned up to the wall. Mainly ones of Merlin and Gwen, cuddled up on the sofa, or sipping drinks out of large jugs, or piggy-backing each other. Michael laughed to himself at the thought of Merlin’s innocent life, almost scoffing. 

“Gwen, you’re awake!” Michael heard Merlin’s chirpy voice from the room at the end of the corridor, resisted from rolling his eyes and made his way along the corridor.

“Well, it is past ten in the morning, Merlin! Did you expect me to stay in bed all day?”

“Not all day! Just long enough for me to put these in a vase.” Merlin pulled the tulips from behind his back and thrust them into Gwen’s hands, a smile beaming on his face. 

Michael once again had to resist from scoffing at the scene unfolding in front of him. ‘Silly peasants.’ He thought to himself. ‘No clue of their destinies.’

“Oh, Merlin!” Gwen smiled, hugging Merlin one handed, “Or should I say ‘Mr Merlin, sir!’” She said giggling. That was when she spotted Michael, hiding behind the wall. “You’ve brought a friend?” Gwen pulled from Merlin, and looked up at him, wiggling her eyebrows slightly for Merlin’s eyes only.

“Oh yes,” Merlin blushed, clearing his throat, and stepping aside, inviting Michael in the room. “Gwen, I don’t suppose you remember Michael from a couple of weeks ago? He was a customer at work, whilst you were helping me clean…”

“Who left you the very generous tip?” Gwen raised her eyebrows at Merlin, and Merlin full well knew that Gwen was not talking of the two pounds Michael left him.

“Well, yes.” Merlin scowled at her, causing her to laugh.

“Nice to meet you, Michael.” She smiled at him as he bowed his head slightly.

“You too, Gwen. Merlin speaks very highly of you.” 

Gwen raised her eyebrows, looking between the two boys, “He’s spoken of me to you, has he?” 

“No-“ Merlin started, before being swiftly interrupted by Michael.

“Well, between calling you his ‘best friend’ and buying you those beautiful flowers, I figured out how much he thinks of you. Pleasure to meet you.” He eyes shone as he spoke to warmly to Gwen, and Merlin felt something tug at his heart at the sight of Gwen accepting Michael, even before Merlin got a chance to accept him himself. It was nice. 

“Well…thank you for your such kind words, Michael.” She blushed deeply. “I’ll leave you boys alone now.” She winked discreetly at Merlin, though not discreetly enough as Michael dipped his head in slight embarrassment, “I’m meeting Lance for coffee.” 

Merlin glared at Gwen, his back to Michael, “Coffee? Very sophisticated. Have fun.” He said stiffly, gesturing for Michael to leave the room as he clipped Gwen lightly round the head. “I hate you!” He jokingly whispered at her, leaving her to just giggle at him as he followed Michael and opened the door to his own room, swiftly inviting Michael in as though to protect him from any embarrassment from Gwen.


	3. Be careful, Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re different, Merlin.” She confirmed his thoughts. He tightened his arm around her shoulders and pulled her in for a full hug.  
> “I know.”  
> “Please don’t tell him. Michael I mean, about you.”

September 2005

For the next two weeks, Merlin had been accidently bumping into Michael in the strangest places. First of course at the corner shop, which was in itself strange, as Merlin had never seen Michael before he had been in the café, especially not around Merlin’s part of town.   
However now Merlin was seeing Michael everywhere. Just two days after meeting him outside the shop, Merlin had bumped into him once again in the local bookstore. They had gone for coffee together, and then ended up walking back to Merlin’s flat once again. They watched a film, before Michael reluctantly left.  
Whenever Merlin was working he always came into the café, each time acting surprised to see Merlin working on the days he went in, and Merlin was beginning to think that he hadn’t “accidently” bumped into Michael at all, and that Michael seemed to be planning these encounters. As strange as it may be, however, Merlin didn’t seem to mind.

“It’s slightly strange though.” 

Merlin rolled his eyes, as he mixed his sugar into his porridge. Gwen was standing at the sink with her back to Merlin, washing up her own breakfast bowl. Merlin could imagine the look on her face though.

“What is?” He asked innocently, though he knew what she was talking about and he simply wanted to avoid the conversation.

“You, bumping into Michael all of the time when before you hadn’t ever seen him.”

Merlin shrugged, forgetting Gwen couldn’t see him. “Perhaps I wasn’t looking.” 

Gwen turned round at this, one eyebrow raised. She wiped her hands on a tea cloth and folded her arms. “I never had you down to be such a romantic.” 

“Romantic? What do you mean by that?” Merlin leant back in his chair, mirroring the image of Gwen folding her arms.

“I mean, even if you were to be looking, what would you have even been looking for?” 

Merlin shrugged again. Picking up his spoon and eating his porridge again. “A friend, maybe.” His mouth full, he gulped down a glass of water. 

“A friend?” Gwen frowned. “Am I not enough?” 

Merlin chuckled, pushing his chair back and standing up, walking over to Gwen with his breakfast bowl in one hand and proceeding to cup her face with the other.

“Of course you are, which is exactly why I wasn’t looking in the first place.” He winked at her, putting his bowl into the sink of water.

“You charmer.” She smiled, whipping the tea cloth at the bags of his legs. Merlin turned to shout friendly abuse at her when he’d seen that her face had almost instantly fell from a smile.

“Hey?” He walked slowly over to her and put a simple arm around her shoulder. “What’s up with you today?” Gwen only shrugged. “Are you jealous? Worried that Michael’s going to take your place?” 

She elbowed him in the ribs lightly, causing him to flinch. “No, it’s not that.”

“Good, because that’s never going to happen.” Then, after a pause, “what is it?”

She took a deep breath, and sighed. “I just think Michael’s got a bit more than friendship on his mind when it concerns you.”

Merlin blushed, and smiled slightly, shrugging his shoulders. “Maybe I have, as well.” Gwen turned to him quickly.

“Have you slept with him!?”

Merlin almost leapt back, “What!? No! We haven’t even as much as held hands, Guinevere!” Gwen sighed.

“Sorry. Checking. I just don’t want to see you hurt.” She murmured, and Merlin suddenly realised what exactly she was talking about. “You’re different, Merlin.” She confirmed his thoughts. He tightened his arm around her shoulders and pulled her in for a full hug.

“I know.”

“Please don’t tell him. Michael I mean, about you.”

Merlin shook his head, but felt himself thinking the exact opposite and he felt worried. He hadn’t even considered keeping his secret a, well, secret from Michael. He would have told him anything about himself if he had asked. That thought scared Merlin very much.

“I won’t, Gwen.” He pulled away from the hug, and placed a small kiss on her forehead. “Tell you what, put your bowl back, I’ll do the washing up this morning.”

She smiled at him, “you,” she poked his nose, “have to get to work.”

He laughed, “you didn’t think I meant that I’d do it manually, did you?” He winked at her, and whispered a small incantation and watched as the dishes and clothes wiped together effortlessly and cleaned themselves. 

“Merlin!” Gwen stood, arms folded. “Gaius said you mustn’t use your magic for petty chores!”

“Gaius isn’t here! And anyway, he meant at work, where I might be seen!” Gwen just rolled her eyes and checked her watch and tapped at it with one finger.

“Talking of work, you should get going.” She smiled, “let’s see if you can go eight hours washing up without magic, shall we?” 

~

Merlin had been at work for over seven of his eight hours, and had found him-self wondering where Michael was. He felt annoyed with himself, it wasn’t as if Michael had planned with him to come and see him at work, but it had happened every shift Merlin had had for the past two weeks – Merlin just expected it. 

“Something on your mind, Merlin?” Merlin turned to see his boss and tutor, Gaius, staring at him with one eyebrow raised. He stood with his arms folded and Merlin was reminded of Gwen earlier that morning. 

“Nothing.” 

Gaius raised both eyebrows and walked slowly past Merlin, taking a grinder from the coffee machine and rinsing it. Merlin moved to the bins and began emptying them. 

“That young boy hasn’t been in today.” Gaius mused. Merlin felt him self froze for a second, before continuing to empty a bin, and replace the full bag with an empty one. Gaius continued to press the subject. “What was his name, again?” 

“Michael.” Merlin answered, slightly too quickly for his own liking. He turned his head slowly to look at Gaius who once again had an eyebrow raised.

“Oh yes, of course. Young Michael.”

“He’s not that young. My age.” Merlin retreated, feeling his cheeks begin to flush red. 

“I know, I know.” Gaius stated, “19 is a young age, Merlin. A young age to be shouldering certain…worries, responsibilities.” 

Merlin turned to face the older man. “What’s your point?” 

“Michael seems very… keen for you.” 

The fact that Merlin was gay was a fact known to Gaius. Gaius had been a friend of Merlin’s parents when they both died when Merlin was only young. He took Merlin in, cared for him, and helped him to hide his magic from the others – he was the best man for the job, really. When Merlin turned 18 and wanted to leave home, Gaius helped him look for a flat to share with Gwen, and found them one on the same street in which he lived, just a small walk away from the café. Having known Merlin all his life, Gaius, along with Gwen, was naturally the first person Merlin told about his sexuality. It didn’t bother Gaius one bit. 

Merlin wasn’t sure what to say, “Really?” He asked.

Gaius laughed, clapping Merlin on the shoulder, “You know he does!” Merlin just nodded shyly. “Just…be careful, Merlin. You’re-“

“Different?” Merlin smiled at Gaius, “I had this same talk with Gwen this morning.” 

“Ah.”

“I won’t tell him.” He paused. “I won’t ever tell any one.” 

“I know you won’t, you may be stupid sometimes Merlin, but I have faith that you’re not a complete idiot.”

Merlin scoffed, “Wow… thank you Gaius!” he said, causing both he and Gaius to fall into laughter. 

“I just mean, you may not tell him, but he may find out another way – accidently, perhaps.” Merlin nodded, understanding Gaius’ concern. There have been many incidents where Merlin has had to quickly come up with silly excuses for things where magic had been concerned. Countless times where Merlin had disagreed with a date Gwen had invited round for the evening, and the date’s glass had shattered in their hand due to Merlin’s anger. Or, also the times where Merlin has had to ‘stop time’ because Gwen was about to spill a glass of red wine over herself in public in that new white dress that she loved.

“I’ll be careful. It’s just, there’s something about him, you know?” Gaius nodded stiffly, but Merlin continued. “It’s just, we’re only friends right, but I have the urge to just reach out and hold his hand?”

“Merlin…”

“Something about him just pulls me towards him, physically pulls me towards him,”

“Er, Merlin I think-“

“And sometimes I even forget that Gwen is in the room when he is there and talking to me, and I can’t even hear what she’s saying, because he is there.”

Gaius coughed loudly, causing Merlin to look up at him and also towards the front counter where Michael stood, looking down at his hands, red faintly rolling across his cheeks. “Oh.” Merlin stuttered, not exactly knowing where to look. 

“You can go, if you wish Merlin. “ Gaius nodded at him, knowingly, a smile tugging at his lips. 

“Oh, I didn’t mean to intrude…” Michael mumbled, silently. 

“Merlin, go. I can finish up here.” 

Merlin’s faced pulled into a wide smile, “You sure, Gaius?” Gaius just nodded and that was all it took for Merlin to pull his apron off and throw it over the counter. “See you tomorrow, yeah?” Gaius nodded once again, as he watched, with one eyebrow raised, Merlin almost bound out of the café with the curious stranger who named himself Michael. 

~

Merlin wondered up his road with Michael, their hands bumping against each other causing a thick tension between them. 

“Mer-“

“Mich-“

They stuttered at the same time, stopping in their tracks and laughed nervously. “You go.” Merlin said, smiling at Michael.

Michael shrugged, “okay.” He laughed. “I just…I don’t know how to ask this.” His eyes were watching the floor nervously, and Merlin could have sworn that they shone   
so bright.

“Ask…ask what?” Merlin tried to stop himself from smiling. Michael looked up and straight into Merlin’s eyes, and Merlin felt himself pause in every way. He was transfixed. He couldn’t move. His heartbeat was stuttering along with his breath. 

“I want to reach out and hold your hand, too.” Michael held his hand out, and Merlin automatically took it, not sensing himself move. It was so natural. The moment their hands clasped together, Merlin felt something rush through his veins, he could feel his magic glow inside of him, and he just put it down to happiness – it couldn’t have been anything else but happiness that caused that automatic rush, right?


	4. Mordred's Wrath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Michael, what the fuck is your problem?” Merlin had hardly finished his sentence and he had no time to react when Michael had him pinned up against the door, hands gripping his shoulders so tight that Merlin knew they would bruise. He looked at Michael and watched and swore that his eyes flashed red in anger.

October 2005

Merlin had never felt like this before. He couldn’t go a moment without thinking about Michael. He constantly wanted to feel the warmth of his hand in his, or the touch of his lips to his own. Michael been round to his and Gwen’s flat almost every single day. Only when Merlin was working was when Michael wouldn’t come over, but then he’d always meet Merlin after work and take him for a walk along the beach, or down to the pier where they’d sit and talk about everything. 

“So, what is Gaius to you?” Michael asked one evening, as they sat with the wind whipping through both of their dark, curly locks. A large gust of wind swept through them, and Michael tightened his grip on Merlin’s hand. 

“He’s my boss.” Merlin smiled. “Used to be my guardian.” He looked at Michael and received a flow of sympathy coming from his eyes, “until I became of age, of course.” 

Michael just nodded. “Your parents died?” He whispered silently.

Merlin looked at Michael, nodded back, and then dropped his eyes into his own lap. Michael squeezed Merlin’s hand gently and Merlin felt a warmth rush through him, leading from Michael’s fingertips all the way to Merlin’s chest. Merlin suddenly found himself talking without realising it – he must have just instinctively trusted Michael, right? “My Mother, I still don’t know what happened to her.” Merlin murmured. “She ran away, supposedly thought to be dead. Even Gaius doesn’t know.” Michael squeezed Merlin’s hand again, another rush of warmth flowed through his skin, lifting every hair on his arm, and causing him to shiver due to the contrast of his warmth and the cold of the sea breeze. 

“It’s okay.” Michael whispered, smiling at Merlin. Merlin nodded. “Your Father?”

“Murdered.” 

“Who by?” Michael said slowly. Merlin looked at him, eyes wide. Michael had asked the question so calmly that Merlin had wondered whether he’d even heard what Merlin had said. “Sorry…” Michael hastily added, realising his tone. “That was insensitive.” He shook his head, and whispered under his own breath “Too soon.” 

“What?” Merlin asked, having not heard Michaels murmurs. He looked at Merlin, and shook his head with a smile on his face, telling Merlin not to worry. He let go of   
Merlin’s hand and Merlin felt the warmth and tugging leave his heart, and he let out a breath of air that he had not realised he was holding. “I will walk you back to yours.”

~

The walk home had been a silent one. Merlin could feel tension between them; Michael was not even holding his hand. He wanted to ask him what was wrong. What had Merlin said to upset him? They turned the corner, walking up Merlin’s road, past the corner shop. Merlin waved sadly to Mr Smith as he passed, receiving a stern look from Michael. 

“Michael, what’s wrong?” Merlin asked, reaching his hand out to touch his shoulder but deciding against it he drew his hand back and stuffed it into his pocket.

“Nothing is.”

“But-“

“Merlin.” He stated harshly. Merlin watched as he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. “Let’s just get you back shall we?” He smiled sweetly at Merlin, and brought his hand up and placed it on Merlin’s shoulder, just like Merlin wanted to do to him. He lifted his fingers, tickling Merlin’s cheek and jawline softly and Merlin felt himself lean into Michael’s fingers and all fear of the tension swept away. 

“Okay.” 

~

They arrived on Merlin’s doorstep, and Merlin turned to face Michael, his back to his door.

“Do you want to come in?” Merlin smiled, fiddling with his keys in his hands.

“Not today.” Michael stood, arms behind his back, shaking his head and looking down at the floor.

Merlin rolled his eyes, no longer feeling warmth for Michael, but instead look at him as though he was that stranger he met in the café almost two months ago. 

“Michael, what the fuck is your problem?” Merlin had hardly finished his sentence and he had no time to react when Michael had him pinned up against the door, hands gripping his shoulders so tight that Merlin knew they would bruise. He looked at Michael and watched and swore that his eyes flashed red in anger. “Michael?”

“Look Merlin, you don’t know what the fuck you’re dealing with, okay?” He pulled at Merlin and pushed at him again, slamming his head against the door. 

“Michael, I don’t under-“

“Don’t talk to me like that. Ever. Again.” Merlin just nodded, shaking, his eyes filling with tears, fearing for his own safety, which is something, Merlin has never had to do whilst living in this small seaside town. “Do you not trust me, Merlin?” His voice dropped, becoming softer, though his hands were still tight against his shoulders and getting closer to his throat.

Merlin nodded hastily, “I do, I do,” though Merlin knew he could not believe his own words.

“Why not tell me about your Father then? That’s all I wanted to know, dammit!” Michael’s eyes flashed red once more, Merlin was sure of it this time. Was Michael? No, he couldn’t be like Merlin. Could Michael have…magic?

“Michael, your eyes!” Merlin blurted, a small voice in his head reminding him that Michael must not know about him, and about his secret.

“Shit!” Michael cursed, letting Merlin go, allowing him to rub his bruised shoulders to sooth them, though not for long. 

Merlin looked up at Michael to ask him of his eyes, to act an innocent in all of this, to act naïve like all of those times before but looked up to Michaels eyes once again shining red, and his hand out in front of him, palm facing Merlin.

Merlin stepped back, back slamming into the door.

“Who are you?” He asked him, whispering, suddenly worried for the noise he and Michael were making. He didn’t want to worry Gwen.

“I am like you, Merlin…” Michael took a step towards him.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Merlin shook his head.

“I think you do. All I need is for you to admit it, for you to admit your destiny, for you to admit your allegiance to Arthur.” 

“Arthur?” This time Merlin wasn’t acting naïve. He had never known anyone under the name of Arthur, and Merlin had never heard anyone spoke of his destiny – he was just a tea boy with an extraordinary gift. 

“Don’t act the fool, Merlin.”

“I’m not!” Merlin held out his hands in peace, knowing that if he had to use his magic then he will, especially to save Gwen. “I swear to you, I know nothing of Arthur, I have never known anyone by the name.” Michael’s eyes flashed to normal for just a second and Merlin knew that he believed him. 

“But you know what you are. You are like me, merlin. We have the gift.”

“What gift?” Merlin shouted, pulling on his lying talents once again, “I am just a tea boy. Living in this tiny seaside town. Living to work. I have no gift.”

Once again, Michael’s eyes flashed to that striking blue colour that Merlin had fell for, and Merlin let out a small sigh of relief.

“Perhaps I am too soon, perhaps you do not even know…”

Merlin raised an eyebrow, letting his hand fall as Michaels did as well. “Know what?”

“That you and I are the same, Merlin. We are creatures of the old religion. And if what you state is true, and that you really know nothing…”

“I don’t, I don’t…” Merlin flailed, “I don’t know what you’re going on about…” A quiver in his voice helped convince Michael of the truth – and it was, Merlin had no clue about Arthur or his ‘destiny’. 

“Well, then I am surely too soon.” Michael stepped back, his face full of anger and his feet stamping the floor, “I was so sure, fuck!” Merlin slowly took a step forward, but too quick that Michael noticed and the strange man lifted his hand again, aiming his palm at Merlin and Merlin could see that it was glowing red, “You must forget this.” Michael stated.

“No, wait! Who are you?” Merlin panicked, the first question coming to his head. From what he had heard about the old religion from Gaius, Michael was not a name from that realm.

Michael smiled cruelly, “No harm in telling you. You won’t even remember.” 

Merlin frowned, realising the truth in his words – he had no knowledge of memory charms, no knowledge of how to counter them, he was useless. 

Michael murmured a curse under his breath, conjuring the magic into his palm.

“I…” Michael took a step closer to Merlin, and Merlin held his hand in front of him stiffy. “Am…” Michael raised his palm above him and Merlin could see the mighty ball of magic within his hand as it started to hurtle towards him.

“Mordred.”


	5. You have magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I…I like you too, Michael but…”  
> “But, nothing. Merlin.” He tightened his hands again. “I like you, I like you a lot okay? But that doesn’t mean that I can control my temper around you when you piss me off.”

“What is wrong with him!?” Gwen exclaimed. She took Merlin’s hand in her own and walked besides Mordred as he carried Merlin through the flat and to his bedroom. 

“Wrong?” Mordred looked at Gwen, a calm look on his face, “Nothing is wrong with him, Gwen. We were gazing under the stars and he simply fell asleep.” Mordred smiled at Gwen convincingly as Gwen narrowed her eyes at him.

“He…he’s just asleep?” 

“Yes,” Mordred nodded, placing Merlin down on his bed, wiping his palm across his forehead lovingly. Gwen walked round to the other side of the bed and stood there, watching over them both. “Just asleep.” He looked up and smiled at a concerned Gwen. He had always known to tread carefully when around her; she was increasingly protective over the boy. “I didn’t want to wake him, so I carried him.” He continued. 

She looked at him, “And he stayed asleep?”

“He’s a deep sleeper.”

“Really?” She pressed.

“Yes.” He stated, standing up firmly and turning to look at Gwen. 

“What’s this around his face?” She stroked Merlin’s cheek with the back of her hand, gesturing to dirt on his chin from Merlin fell onto the pavement after Mordred cursed him. 

“Oh, must just be the dirt where we were lying on the floor…” Mordred smiled, “I thought I had wiped it all off him.” Mordred leaned over Merlin and wiped it off using his hand.

“You have it on your hand too.” Gwen stated, pointing at his hand. “On your palm.”

“Oh dear. Do you mind if I wash my hands?” Mordred asked, rubbing his palm where it was still slightly numb from where he had used the immense amount of power magic.

“Oh no, of course.” Gwen nodded, smiling, at Mordred as she motioned for him to go through to the kitchen and followed him. “Are you staying tonight?” She smiled sweetly at him, and Mordred knew she had no reason to be suspicious of him. 

“If that’s okay with you.” He began washing his hands at the sink, his back to Gwen, grimacing with slight pain as the hot water washed over his palm – it had been a while since he had conjured such magic, he was no longer practiced in it, it had actually hurt him, as though the magic itself knew it was being used cruelly. 

“Of course!” She answered, “Merlin likes having you here.” She bowed her head, “He really likes you, Michael.” Michael finished rinsing his hands before turning to Gwen, wiping his hands dry on a cloth. 

“I know.” He whispered, trying to disguise a cunning smile as a sweet one. “I like him too.” 

“I am glad.” Gwen smiled stiffly. “I’ll leave you to it. It’s getting late, I must go to bed. See you in the morning, Michael.” She left the room swiftly.

“See you then,” He replied, though she couldn’t hear. “Guinevere.” 

~

Mordred felt himself feeling impatient. He was sure he was here at the right time. He was sure that Merlin should know about his magic. He was sure he had gotten the right ‘Merlin.’ Perhaps Merlin just had no idea of who he was. Although how many Merlins were there around now? And how many Merlins had a friend named Guinevere and a guardian named Gaius? It was like the old times, of which Mordred could remember of them. But where was Arthur? And where was Morgana?  
Mordred felt his stomach drop at the thought of Morgana – if Morgana was not here whilst he was, if she had not searched from him and felt his power, then maybe she had not been returned as before. Maybe she was no longer ridden in dark magic, or any magic at all. Maybe he was alone. Just him and Merlin. Silly, naïve, Merlin.

~

It was dark when Merlin opened his eyes. He could feel the comfort of his ben underneath him and rolled onto his stomach, burying his head in the pillow. He felt the weight of an arm around his stomach and knew it must be Michael.

“Michael?”

Merlin sat up quickly, throwing Michael’s arm off him and swinging his legs off the side of the bed. 

“ugh..” Mordred sat up at the sound of his false name, waking up slowly, “Merlin?” Mordred swung his legs off the bed and flicked the bed side lamp.

“What are you doing here?” 

For a split second Mordred worried that the memory curse had not worked, but Merlin had called him Michael, rather than Mordred. All was well, for now at least.

“I almost always stay over.” Mordred began, “why wouldn’t I tonight?” He walked around the edge of the bed over to Merlin holding out his arms, yet Merlin flinched away.

“What happened?” 

“When?” 

“We were walking home, we were speaking of my Dad…” Merlin stuttered, struggling to gain memory, “You attacked me!” His face fell into shock as he remembered it, he stepped back, away from Mordred. “You stay away from me!” 

“Merlin, please!” Mordred begged, clasping his hands together, “I never meant to hurt you!” 

“You pushed me against the door!” Merlin shouted, “Your fingers bruised me! You shouted in my face!” His memory slowly came back to him, and he felt all his magic rise up inside of him. How had he let this happen? “Then…”

“Merlin please, forgive me.” Mordred leapt forward, grabbing Merlins hands in his own, “My anger sometimes gets the better of me, please Merlin.”

“What happened then?” Merlin asked.

“Merlin you have to…”

“What. Happened. Then?”

“You passed out.” He lied, slowly.

“What? Just passed out?”

“Yes.” Merlin raised his eyebrows at Mordred, pulling his hands out of Mordreds.

“With no reasoning?” 

“You hit your head.”

“No, Michael, you mean YOU hit my head!” Merlin shouted.

“Merlin, please, you’ll wake Gwen!”

“I don’t care! I want you to go.”

“Merlin, listen to me, please.”

“No.”

“Merlin!” Mordred shouted, squaring himself up against Merlin and shouting into his face. He saw a look of shock running through Merlin’s eyes. “I really, really like you, Merlin.” He spoke softly, taking Merlins hands again and rubbing his thumbs in circles over the back of his hands, just the way he likes it. He felt Merlin calm in his hands. 

“I…I like you too, Michael but…”

“But, nothing. Merlin.” He tightened his hands again. “I like you, I like you a lot okay? But that doesn’t mean that I can control my temper around you when you piss me off.” He could feel both his and Merlins knuckles clicking. 

“Michael, I swear, you don’t want to do this.” 

“Yes, Yes I do. If you don’t play along like the happy, puppy boyfriend that you are, I will not hesitate in silencing you for good.” Michael smiled, “I know your secret.” 

“What?”

“I know you, Merlin. I saw it. When I knocked. You. Out.” Michael let go of Merlins hands and stepped back away from the scene. “You weren’t not so powerful then, were you?”

Merlin shook his head, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Innocently, he looked at Michael. 

“Yes you do, Merlin. You have magic. I envy that.” Mordred knew that to play into Merlin’s hands, he couldn’t reveal his own secret to him.

“How…no.” Merlin shook his head. “You’ve got the wrong end of the stick, Michael.” So Merlin does know of his magic, Mordred thought.

“You want to know how I know, don’t you?” Merlin just nodded, knowing that he just had to give in. “Rumours.” Michael just shrugged. “I saw you once, in the café. A couple of times.”

“Oh. Really?” Merlin questioned – he was usually so careful at work, Mordred realised this.

“Maybe you’re not as careful as you think you are, Merlin. People find these things out.” Mordred stepped closer to him. “And if you don’t want anyone else to find out, you had better cooperate with me, Merlin. 

“What if I don’t?” Merlin swallowed his fear, asking the question. Sure, he probably had the power to kill Mordred here, to shut him up before he had the power to shut Merlin up – but Merlin was no murderer. 

“I can’t promise that you and your friends will be entirely safe...”

“Don’t you dare hurt, Gwen.” Merlin stepped forward, to walk into Mordred’s fist, knocking him backwards and into the door.

“Then do not cross me.” He whispered. He put his hand out, “Let me help you up.” 

“What?”

“Let me help you up!”

“I don’t need your help.” Merlin wiped the blood away from his nose with the back of his hand, pushing himself off the ground.

“I’m sorry, Merlin. I really am. I wish it didn’t have to be like this.” As Merlin stood up he placed his hand on Merlins shoulder, and Merlin didn’t feel the need to push  
it off. “I really like you Merlin, I lo-“

“Don’t say it. This isn’t it.” 

“You know you love me, Merlin.” Mordred stepped towards him. “I know you do. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, baby.” He put his hand on Merlins cheek, and ignored merlin as he flinched away.

“Don’t call me that.” Merlin looked up at Mordred and saw the sadness in his eyes, “please.”

“Okay.” Mordred put his other hand on his cheek, wiping away the nosebleed with his thumbs, carefully caressing Merlin’s lips. 

“I thought I did.” 

“What?”

“I thought I loved you.” Merlin confessed, enjoying the feeling of Mordreds fingers against his lips, and he confessed it because it was true.

“Show me…” Mordred smiled, leaning forward and capturing Merlin’s lips in a sweet kiss, before motioning over to the bed.

“You mean…You want to? After what you’ve just done to me?”

Mordred nodded. He gripped Merlins hands tightly, Merlin flinching slightly in his hold. “Yes, Merlin.” He said. “I want you. I want you to trust me. I care for you. I want to show that.” 

Merlin thought about what life would be like if he was revealed as a sorcerer, or what life would be like if Mordred hurt Gwen in anyway. 

“Okay.” And he was pulled over to the bed by Mordred.  
~


	6. Results of a moment of passion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Michael? Did he attack you?” She gasped, stroking the fingerprints carefully. Merlin shivered, wanting nothing more than for Gwen to stop. He didn’t want her careful, gently hands to be associated with the gripping and pain of Michael.  
> “Not…not exactly…” Merlin raised his eyebrows at Gwen, hoping she would understand.

Merlin sat at the kitchen table, spooning his cheerios around his bowl, not having the stomach to eat it. He felt dirty. He felt ashamed. He felt… vulnerable. Something he had never felt before. All of his magic, all of his power suddenly felt useless when he couldn’t protect his own dignity, and his own best friend. He was glad Michael had left after they were…finished. He didn’t want to cry in front of him. He didn’t want to be seen as weak.   
He threw the spoon onto the table and let his head fall into his hands. He allowed his fingers to trace down to his jawline, and then down to his neck where it swelled red from Michael’s work with his tongue. Merlin shivered at the thought. His fingers moved down to his shoulders, his collarbones, the bruises that were indented there. His eyes squinted as he pushed down on them with his fingertips. He pulled at the collar of his top, stretching it over his shoulder and turning his head to get a good look. 

His eyes traced over the purple mesh on his shoulder, he could almost make out Michael’s fingerprints crushed into his skin as he remembered him gripping so tightly. Four purple prints faded to blue, and then faded to green before melding with his pale skin. Merlin traced circles over the bruises, muttering foreign words of old languages. His eyes shone gold –

“Merlin!” Merlin jumped at the sound of Gwen’s voice, and her eyes open wide, staring at Merlin’s shoulder. 

“Gwen…” Merlin looked at his shoulder again to see that the bruise had not faded due to being interrupted.

“Oh my god, who did this to you?” She rushed over to him as he pulled the shirt back over his shoulder. She smacked his hand away though, kneeling besides him, carefully pulling the top back over Merlin’s shoulder. “Merlin?”

Merlin sighed. “It was only, Michael.” 

“Michael? Did he attack you?” She gasped, stroking the fingerprints carefully. Merlin shivered, wanting nothing more than for Gwen to stop. He didn’t want her careful, gently hands to be associated with the gripping and pain of Michael.

“Not…not exactly…” Merlin raised his eyebrows at Gwen, hoping she would understand.

“Not exactly?”

“We…had…. You know…” He raised his eyebrows again at her. 

“You?” Her eyes were wide in her realisation, “Oh! You…Ohhh!” She stood up quickly, wiping her hands on her trousers as though she had been involved in something with the two boys by stroking the evidence of their sexual encounter. She smiled at Merlin before pulling a chair up and sitting next to him. “So?”

Merlin coughed, “So what?”

“Details?”

Merlin shook his head, “No way, Gwen!”

“Aw!” She sighed, “Why not?”

“I don’t ask you for details about you and Lance!” 

“That’s because you’re a man, and men never want to know these things. Besides, you’re just scared that the thought of Lance naked might turn you on…” she joked.

“Gwen!”

“I’m only kidding! Besides, me and Lance aren’t really…you know, official.” She sighed sadly.

Merlin nodded in understanding. Gwen and Lance had been seeing each other for a good two years now, however it had never been exactly what Gwen wanted. She is pretty sure that Lance likes her, but it has always been a rocky relationship. For two years they had been friends who care for each other very much, and use their sexual encounters to show each other that. They hadn’t even told each other that they love each other – though it was pretty clear that they do. Merlin remembers Gwen’s heartbreak when Lance had said “I love you” to her whilst at his climax, yet he froze once it was over, collected his things and left without as much of a kiss on Gwen’s forehead. Gwen stated he was scared of commitment, yet he had never laid eyes on another woman since he had been seeing Gwen, so Merlin had no reasoning for his behaviour. Gwen being the stubborn type, refused Merlin’s advice of being the one to tell Lance she loved him first. 

Merlin patted Gwen’s knee affectionately. “He’ll come around.”

“Mmm.” She smiled, sadly. “I just can’t wait forever, you know?” 

“I know.” Merlin smiled, “I know you won’t have to though Gwen. He does love you.”

“It’s about time he started…I would say showing it, but all I want is for him to say it.” She whispered. Merlin could do nothing but smile sadly. It was Gwen’s turn to pat Merlin’s knee as she stood up. “He’s coming over tonight, again.”

“Well, maybe tonight is the night!” He tried to convince her. She just shrugged his shoulders. 

“He’s bringing a few friends, Morgana is coming too. Films, pizza, that sort of thing. Michael is more than welcome to come over, too.” She smiled slightly, almost nervously.

“Yeah…” He murmured, “maybe.” He looked up at her to see her glaring down at him, eyebrows raised. “I’ll ask him. He might be busy.” 

“Even if he is, you know he’ll cancel his plans just to be with you.” Gwen folded her arms, smiling sweetly, her dark brown eyes looking into him as he forgot to answer her. “Is everything okay, Merlin? With Michael?” He just nodded. He smiled at him once again before making her way to the bathroom. She paused, turning around. “Merlin?” Merlin raised his head at Gwen.

“Mmm?”

“I just…”

“What is it?”

“I just don’t understand why you were trying to remove those marks using magic if they were only the result of a moment of passion?” 

Merlin sat, speechless, wanting to Gwen the truth. Wanting to tell her everything. He wanted to tell her how he never wanted this moment of passion with Michael, how Michael forced himself onto him, how he kissed places that Merlin doesn’t want him to kiss anymore, and how the thought of his hands stroking Merlin’s face, and down his body makes him want to be sick. How the hand that bruised his collarbone was the same hand that turned to a fist and knocked Merlin over just minutes before they ended up in bed together. But he couldn’t tell Gwen that. He couldn’t bring himself that he had this unwanted passion with Michael to save her, and to save his secret. 

Gwen shrugged her shoulders, and turned to exit. Merlin knew he was suspicious, but he also knew her well enough to know that she wouldn’t speak up, not if it risked upsetting him, so he knew to relax and not play on her suspicions. 

~

It was 7pm, and with Morgana, Lance and some of Lance’s friend arriving in half an hour, Merlin thought it was about time that he should invite Michael. He wondered whether to text, but worried if it might come across too blunt. Instead, he scrolled through his contacts on his phone and hit the ‘call’ button when he reached Michael. 

“Merlin!” Michaels’ cheery voice picked up and Merlin felt himself smile at the thought of someone being happy to hear from him, yet his stomach dropped at the thought of last night. “I was wondering when you’d call me.” 

“Maybe I was waiting for you to call?” Merlin asked, spitefully, but added a laugh on the end to lighten the situation up. He didn’t want to cross Michael again. Last night had been too painful. 

“Touché!” Michael retorted. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” He asked Merlin, “Other than the pleasure of simply hearing your voice, of course!” Merlin gripped his phone tightly, he hated that Michael was simply acting like nothing had happened last night.

“Come over tonight?” Merlin asked simple, licking his lips and biting his tongue to prevent himself from saying anything else.

“Miss my touch, do you?” So perhaps he wasn’t acting like nothing had happened, just ignoring the painful bits which for Merlin pieced it all together they a puzzle.   
He knew, inside of him, last night wouldn’t have happened if Michael didn’t want to hurt Merlin, and that saddened him. 

Merlin grimaced, “Yes.” He let his head drop. “Gwen has invited some people over. Lance, and his friends, and Morgana.” 

“Morgana will be there?”

“Yeah, you know her?” Merlin questioned, knowing that he hadn’t yet introduced Michael to her.

“Heard things…” Merlin felt Michael trail off, “You know, from what you’ve told me. She’s Gwen’s friend, right?”

“Yeah, very close friend of Gwen, and of Lance I think. I’ve known her for a while too. Like a sister to Gwen, you see.”

“Right…so what is it tonight?”

“Film, pizza, that sort of thing.” Merlin pursed his lips. “I want you to come.”

“Sounds good to me, I’ll be there. When?”

“Half an hour?”

“Left the invitation a little late, didn’t you, Merlin” He could almost feel the heat of Michael’s anger through the phone. 

“But you’ll come, won’t you?” Merlin was almost begging and he hated himself for it, but he knew it was what Michael wanted. 

He heard Michael sigh, “Of course I will, Merlin. You know I’ll do anything for you.” 

“I know.” Merlin said, through gritted teeth.

“I’ll see you soon, baby.” Merlin winced at the sound of the pet name. 

“Can’t wait.”


	7. Arthur Pendragon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a shame, Merlin thought, that here he was tied up in a cruel relationship that he didn’t want to be in, and forced to show unfelt emotion, whereas Gwen and Lance are in a carefree relationship, yet Gwen believes that she wants what Merlin has. It was a twisted world, Merlin concluded.

Twenty minutes later, and Merlin was throwing a shirt on hoping the collar would hide his neck. He was right, it did. He heard Gwen calling his name from the kitchen so did his buttons up quickly – all but the top button – and jogged through into the next room. 

“You called?” Merlin smiled at Gwen.

“Yeah, I think there’s someone at the door? Probably Michael. I would answer it but…” She looked down at her hands in the sink, washing up and shrugged.

“Yeah…” Merlin hesitated, “I’ll get it!” He rubbed his hands together, nervously, and made his way down the long corridor towards the door. Taking a deep breath, he clicked the door open. 

“Hey.” Mordred was standing behind the door, a bunch of flowers in one hand and a crate of beers tucked under his other arm. 

“Hi…” Merlin murmured. “Er, want me to take something?” He smiled, wanting to avoid physical contact with the man. 

“Sure, take these beers?” He passed them over to Merlin, Merlin took them in both hands. “These are for Gwen.” Mordred motioned towards the flowers.

“She’ll love them.” Merlin nodded at them, suddenly feeling very aware of the fact that the man was slowly walking closer towards him until he shut the door behind him.

“Do I not get a kiss?” Mordred smiled, cruelly. Before giving Merlin a chance to answer he put a hand on Merlin’s shoulder and pushed him up against the wall leaning over the crate of beer as much as he could he slammed his lips against Merlin’s, slipping his tongue in ferociously and biting down on Merlin’s lip so hard Merlin swore he could taste blood. Mordred’s hand was in Merlin’s hair, tugging hard making Merlin whimper.

“Oh, sorry!” Gwen’s small voice interrupted the boys and Merlin let out a sigh of relief at his friend standing there, blushing, fiddling with her thumbs. She smiled at them before exiting the corridor looking incredibly guilty.

“Don’t be!” Mordred shouted out to Gwen, causing her to stop in her tracks. He smiled at her, “good to see you, Gwen.” He grinned, leaning down and kissing her cheeks making her blush, and then handed the flowers. “These are for you!” 

“Thank you, Michael! They’re lovely! You really shouldn’t have…” She beamed up at him like he was an angel, and Merlin couldn’t help but glare at her. Not only this morning she was no doubt suspicious of their relationship, and of Michael himself, but now she was looking at him as though the sun shone out of his arse all over a bunch of flowers. Merlin rolled his eyes, realising how hypocritical he was being. Of course he was with this guy, the same guy that just last night…. No. Merlin shook his head. He wouldn’t think of last night any more. It pained him too much to think of the evil in Michael’s eyes as he slipped between his legs… Tonight would be about Gwen, and about her friends, and her and Lance, which Merlin knew Gwen wanted it to be about, even though she would not admit it. “I’ll put them in a vase of water, thank you Michael.” Gwen’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts. “They’re lovely, aren’t they Merlin?” She looked over Michael’s shoulder to look at Merlin, still leaning against the wall as though he was pressed into it.

“Not as nice as the ones I got you, surely?” He joked, casting a look at Michael, laughing nervously.

“Oh, I don’t know!” Gwen teased, turning and walking into the kitchen, “You may have some competition here, Merlin!” 

Mordred and Merlin just chuckled. Mordred held out his hand to Michael, beckoning him over. Merlin stood straight, balancing the crate of beer under one arm just as Mordred had done earlier, and used his other hand to take Mordreds as they walked into the kitchen together, presenting themselves as a couple.

“Lance should be here soon.” Gwen chirped, checking her watch subtly and as though he could sense her nervousness, someone knocked on the door. “That’ll be him!” 

She almost skipped to the front door, he long skirt flittering out behind her. Only a few seconds later she returned, though it was not Lance she returned with.

“Oh, you could at least act happy to see me.” A woman with long, curling, dark hair followed behind Gwen. Her voice was laced with a slight Irish accent, and her eyes were piercing green. 

“Sorry, I was expecting Lance.”

“I understand.” The woman smiled at Gwen, placing a loving hand on her shoulder. “Well Merlin, are you not going to introduce me to your new man?” She placed both hands on her hips, expressing her sassy personality. Merlin smiled at her, blushing at the sight of his hand locked with Mordreds.

“Michael, this is-” He placed the beer on the table and motioned to the woman but Mordred interrupted him,

“Morgana.” He said, smoothly. “Am I right?” He held his hand out to Morgana, and she accepted, gripping the boy’s hand slightly in a sweet handshake.

“Indeed you are.” She smiled, almost questioning him. He sensed this.

“Both Merlin and Gwen have told me a lot about you.” He said, bluntly. He was disappointed. He had felt nothing. There was no rush of magic from her, no sense of power – not like he had felt with Merlin when first in his presence. Were the rumours amongst their type true? Had she risen as a mortal? 

“Ah, well, I don’t blame them” She joked, sensing the unwanted and unexpected tension in the room. “There are a lot of tales you could here from them about me.” 

He nodded, “I expect to hear a lot more, then.” He smiled before tightly taking Merlin’s hand again. He was squeezing Merlin’s hand so hard that Merlin was in pain and almost ripped his hand out of the hold. Though to divert the suspicious looks from both Gwen and Morgana he lifted his and Mordred’s hands and brought them to his lips, receiving squeals of “aw’s” from the two looks, and a satisfied look from Mordred. 

There was a knock on the door that caused Gwen to almost spill her drink. She placed the glass on the table and stilled her shaking hands, before smiling at her small audience and exiting the room to almost run down the corridor.

“She’s so sweet, isn’t she?” Morgana mused. “It’s like, her and Lance are still in the honeymoon stage of their relationship, even though they are not ‘official’” Morgana mimed quotation marks with her fingers at the last word.

“I know,” Merlin, agreed, “It drives me crazy! It drives Gwen crazy.” 

Morgana hummed. “I wonder if he realises how crazy he drives her? Maybe he doesn’t realise it, hence why he hasn’t told her how he feels.” Merlin nodded in agreement and went to continue the conversation when Gwen came round the corner with Lance holding onto her hand. The pair look so happy together, so natural. It was a shame, Merlin thought, that here he was tied up in a cruel relationship that he didn’t want to be in, and forced to show unfelt emotion, whereas Gwen and Lance are in a carefree relationship, yet Gwen believes that she wants what Merlin has. It was a twisted world, Merlin concluded. 

“Guys, you’ve all met Lance.”

“Obviously.” Morgana muttered quickly under her breath, causing stifled laughter from Merlin yet a stern glare from Gwen. Morgana nodded apologising. 

“These are Lance’s friends…” She stepped away from Lance to allow two men to walk through. 

The first was an extremely tall man, very muscly and looked, as though he would crush Merlin with one pinch. He walked over to Morgana, taking her into his arms and placing a polite kiss on her cheek. Morgana blushed.

“I’m Morgana.” She said, voice shaking. 

“Percy,” The man replied, before turning to Mordred and shaking his free hand.

“I’m Michael,” Mordred smiled up to –he had to, Percy had to be at least two heads taller than he and Merlin-Percy. Percy then turned to Merlin.

“You must be Merlin,” Percy said, shaking Merlin’s hand. 

“Yeah that’s me.”

The next man to walk in walked with a swagger in his footstep. He had a lot more hair than Percy did, almost chin length, yet he swept it off his face with one brush of his hand. He had dark brown eyes, trusting yet with a mischievous glint. 

“Boys.” He shook Merlin’s and Mordred’s hands, nodding at the respectfully. “I’m Gwaine.”

“Nice to meet you.” Merlin and Mordred said respectively. 

Gwaine then turned to Morgana, and took a glance at Gwen. “Gwen, you never told me your friend was this beautiful! I would have met her a lot sooner if you had.” He stepped one foot behind his other, taking Morgana’s hand in his own and bending down to kiss it.  
Gwen just rolled her eyes, watching Morgana blush. 

“I’m Morgana.” She stated, trying to keep her voice steady. Morgana had been single for a long time, and Merlin thought that all these beastly men in such close proximity to her was driving her wild. 

“Nah,” Gwaine stated, Morgana raised an eyebrow, and “You’re gorgeous.” Morgana simply smiled, turning to Gwen to give her a cheeky wink when Gwaine looked away. 

Gwen looked around the room, supposedly counting the heads of those in the room.

She looked to Lance, “Wheres---?”

“Don’t you boys worry,” A male voice came from down the corridor, a stern English accent carrying his words. “I’ll carry all the beer, you pricks!” 

A blond man came out from the corridor and into the kitchen. His hair gleamed blonde, and looked ruffled at the back, and along with his neat stubble it gave him the rough look. His skin was pale, and smooth, allowing his blue eyes to pierce from the background of his skin. He looked to be struggling with the crates of beers he was carrying. Out of instinct, Merlin let go of Mordred’s hand and jumped forward to him.

“Want a hand?” Merlin smiled. 

The man looked at him for a moment, hesitating, as though wanting to say something, “Yeah..sure.” He finally managed. Merlin took two of the beer crates from his arms and placed them on the table in front of them, and the man followed suit. “Thanks.” He smiled at Merlin, eyes latching onto his for a few seconds too long as Mordred was heard behind them, clearing his throat. 

“Oh,” Merlin smiled, stepping back into Mordred’s space, “No worries.”

Gwen rolled her eyes at Merlin as he took Mordred’s hand once again, and motioned towards the strange man in this flat.

“Boys, Morgana, this is Arthur.” Merlin’s hand seared out in pain as Mordred tightened his grip. The room was oblivious to Merlin’s pain as they were all smiling towards the blonde boy as Gwen smiled and continued, “Arthur Pendragon.”


	8. Knights of the round table

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Michael.” Merlin stated.  
> “Aw, dammit! He ruined the whole “knights of the round table” theme there didn’t he!” Arthur joked, making his way out of the kitchen, with Merlin following. “Need to find yourself a new, Arthurian boyfriend, Merlin!” Arthur turned to smile at Merlin, though Merlin didn’t expect him too as he was following right behind. He looked up at Arthur’s face, almost feeling the heat of his breath he was that close.

It had been less than five minutes since Lance and his friends had arrived and Mordred was pushing Merlin into his room. The room was dark, and Merlin struggled and failed to find the light switch. Mordred smashed the door shut behind them,

“Michael what the…”

“What the fuck do you think you’re playing at?” Merlin felt a pair of hands clasp onto his shoulders and panicked. He couldn’t see Mordred but he could feel his breath   
hot against his face, roaring with anger.

“What do you mean?”

“That!” Mordred pulled Merlin forward and pushed him again, slamming his back against the wall. Merlin felt his head smack the wall, and sucked in a breath of pain. “Jumping into that Arthurs arms.” He almost spat the man’s name. “Locking eyes with him, helping him! Do you want to get on your knees and lick his boots clean for him too?” Mordred pressed his nose up against Merlin’s crushing his face. “Or perhaps you’d prefer his cock?” With one last shove, Mordred let Merlin go, stepping back, allowing Merlin to examine the back of his head. He felt a slight wetness there, which became more and more prominent as he stroked the back of his own head. He was bleeding. 

“I don’t know what you’re on about, Michael.” Merlin sighed. “I was just helping the man…” Merlin couldn’t continue any longer as Mordred’s fist met Merlin’s face. Merlin stumbled back, once again hitting his head on the wall.

“I fucking know what I saw!” Mordred shouted. “I saw you looking at him, like he was a piece of meat!” Mordred continued shouting and Merlin felt his words pound through his head as he felt as though he was going to blackout. “I just…”Mordred spoke quietly, more calmly as he swept forward and took Merlin’s head in his hands. “I just want you to look at me like that, Merlin.” Merlin nodded, though he wasn’t sure if it was he agreeing to what Mordred was saying, or just the notion of his head rocking forward, in and out of the darkness that he so longed for. “I just want you, Merlin, I just want you to love me.” Merlin’s head rocked again, and Mordred pressed his lips against Merlin’s. “You do love me, don’t you?” Mordred asked. “Tell me you do.”

“Michael, I…” Merlin managed.

“I know you do.” Mordred concluded. “You wouldn’t have let me touch you like I did last night if you didn’t….” Merlin stomach turned and he felt himself wanting to be sick at the reminder of last night. “That’s the thing, Merlin. You didn’t fight me off. You wanted me too.” His sick and twisted words floated through Merlin’s head, and he felt tears leak from his eyes. “Don’t cry baby. Let’s get you cleaned up, shall we, lover?” The word rolled off his tongue as though it was what he called everyone in this position.

Mordred leaned over and flicked the light switch easily. Light flooded into the room and onto Merlin’s face. “Oh, you poor baby. You look a state. Sit down. ” Mordred tutted, shaking his head. He grabbed some tissue from the side of Merlin’s bed, scooping up the blood running from his nose. He pinched Merlin’s nose carefully, letting the tissue soak up all of the blood until the running stopped. He passed Merlin a glass of water, and he took it gratefully, feeling more awake when the liquid was in his body. “This is why you shouldn’t anger me, baby.” Mordred said, as though he was trying to apologise. “Let’s look at your head.” Merlin leaned forward, exposing the back of his head and Mordred used tissue again to wipe up the blood running down the back of Merlin’s neck. “There we are. Looks like nothing ever happened.” Merlin leaned back again, staring at Mordred with a hate that he had never felt before. Mordred just smiled at him, as though nothing had ever happened.   
“Kiss me, Merlin.”

Merlin just sat still; pursing his lips making them form a straight line. He brought his knees up to his chest, cuddling them with his arms and trying to think of anything to help him to not cry. When did life go so downhill? Why does he no longer feel like he has the power to stop it? 

“Merlin.” Mordred said sternly, as though he was talking to a child. Merlin felt as vulnerable as one, so it made sense. “Kiss me.”

Merlin leant forward slightly and met Mordred’s lips, pressing into him gently. He felt Mordred’s tongue flicker out, and Merlin allowed him access. Mordred’s tongue brushed across his teeth and Merlin sucked on it for a moment, before kissing his lips again. “Good boy.” Mordred nodded. He looked at Merlin’s face, giving him the once over. “The blood has gone. I think we should return to your guests, don’t you?” Mordred stood up, holding a hand out to Merlin. Merlin accepted and Mordred pulled him up and into a hug. 

At the sound of the door clicking open, Merlin moved to pull away but Mordred kept them close.

“Oh, sorry!” Gwen’s sweet voice made Merlin’s heart sadden. It’s not what you think! He longed to say, but knew with Michael there he couldn’t. “Again!” She giggled.   
“The film’s about to start. We’re going to watch ‘The notebook’ first, if that’s okay?” 

Mordred let go of Merlin and Merlin pulled back, smiling at Gwen, trying to convince her that everything was okay even if she didn’t think so other wise.  
“That’s great.” Mordred said, for the both of them. 

They followed Gwen from Merlins room, hands gripped in one another and into the living area of their flat. “Oh, so you found them then, Gwen!?” Morgana piped up as they entered. Merlin looked around the room. Morgana seemed quite content curled up on one end of the sofa with Gwaine, though Percy didn’t seem to feel the same sitting at the other end. Gwen went to join Lance on a single chair, curling up in his lap and looking as though she just fits perfectly. That leaves one more chair, and Merlin looked round to see Arthur sitting in it, the chair closest to them. 

“Having a little cuddle, weren’t you boys?” Gwen giggled into Lance’s chest. Morgana laughed as well, receiving a “shh” from Gwaine and a kiss on the forehead from him too. 

“No details, please!” Percy called out from the far corner. Merlin blushed and tried to free his hand from Mordreds, but Mordred just held on tighter. 

“Shall we put the film on, then?” Gwaine chirped up, seeming to sense how Merlin was feeling uncomfortable.

Merlin and Mordred made their way into the circle of chairs. “Sit here, guys!” Gwen tapped and pointed to the floor in front of the chair that her and Lance were in. 

“Thanks, Gwen.” Mordred smiled, sitting down with his back to the chair and opened his legs, inviting Merlin to sit there. Merlin hesitated, yet seeing the look upon Mordred’s face he sat down in between his legs with his back to Mordred’s chest. He looked up and latched on to the first set of eyes he saw, Arthurs. He felt his stomach drop as Arthur looked away to slide the DVD into the player.

Throughout the film, Merlin was glad he had his back to Mordred so he couldn’t see where he was looking. Merlin traced his eyes over Arthurs face. There was something about the man that he recognised. Arthur’s face was turned to the side as he watched the film, but Merlin could hardly name all the main characters by the time it had ended. He had spent the entire length of the film tracing Arthur’s features with his eyes, trying to identify from where he knew him. It was like a sense of déjà vu. He looked at his hair, and found himself wondering what it would be like to run his fingers through it. He traced his imaginary hand down his cheek, and thought what it would be like to stroke his jawline with a single finger until he reached his mouth, where Arthur’s tongue would flicker out and lick his finger. Arthur’s blue eyes though were Merlin’s favourite features. Though he found himself wanting to look at them more and more, he knew he couldn’t. Each time his eyes met Arthurs, he watched sadly as Arthur quickly looked away, and Merlin felt himself blush each time as he realises he had been caught. 

Mordred’s hands were not making the situation any easier. They started off clasped round Merlin’s middle, his fingers making smooth circles on Merlin’s flat stomach. His lips every so often would press to the back of Merlin’s neck, leaving wet kisses on his neckline. Merlin stared intently at Arthur, and began wishing that it were his pursed lips touching his skin. He sighed to himself sadly at the though. He had no idea where these feelings had come from; he had only just met Arthur an hour ago, though he found himself wanting to get to know him more. Perhaps he felt desperate. Perhaps he felt that knowing anyone a little more would save him from his entrapment with Michael. Yes, that must be it, he thought to himself, he hasn’t met Arthur before, he doesn’t know him, and so this must just be a pure, unexplained fantasy. 

The film ended, too soon in Merlins opinion. 

“Does anybody want another drink?” Arthur chirped up, lifting his arms above his head and stretching, allowing a small bit of his skin to show just above his jeans. Merlin licked his lips, before clicking himself out of his thoughts.

“Merlin, go give him a hand, will you?” Gwen asked. Merlin turned in Mordreds tightening grip to look up at Gwen who was curled into Lance’s chest. “Please?” she mouthed to him, clearly not wanting to move from her own position.

Merlin shrugged, “sure.” He stood up, forcing Mordred to loosen his grip. 

“Oh don’t be too enthusiastic about it!” Arthur joked, jumping up from the chair, clapping Merlin on the shoulder.

“Well sorry!” Merlin joked back at him, “What would you prefer? Sure, sire? King? My Lord?”

“Ahh, cracking out the Merlin and Arthur jokes!” Gwaine shouted at them as they left the room towards the kitchen, “I was hoping someone would soon!” 

Arthur shook his head at Merlin as they closed the door behind them and walked towards the kitchen. “He’s right you know.” Arthur said, motioning towards the living room, “He’s been dying to crack a joke about our names since he found out what your name was from Lance! Reckon you’ll end up to have magical powers!”   
Merlin chuckled, choking slightly on Arthurs truthful joke and opening the fridge and grabbing a can of beer before tossing it over to Arthur. “Is he fed up of making ones about yours and Lance’s names then?”

“What do you mean?” Arthur questioned, cracking open the can and taking a sip. Merlin tried to not be too mesmerised over Arthurs lips as his tongue flicked out to catch a small drop of beer that was running down the can. 

“What do you mean ‘what do I mean’?” Merlin laughed, “You know Lance’s real name is Lancelot, right?”

By the look on Arthurs face he didn’t seem to realise that at all, “No way!” Arthur choked, laughing. “As in…”

“As in Sir Lancelot.” Merlin laughed in disbelief. “I can’t believe you didn’t know!” He grabbed a few extra cans from the fridge, settling them down on the table. 

“Well, apparently Gwaine doesn’t either. And don’t tell him either, or he’ll be cracking out jokes from all angles! He’s already made a few about Morgana.”

“Ah, so it wouldn’t be a good idea telling him that Gwen’s full name is Guinevere then, no?”

Arthur paused mid sip, “You’re joking about that one.”

“I’m really not.” Merlin shook his head, seeming unable to control his laughter. 

“So technically, Gwen should be with me…right?” Arthur winked at Merlin.

“Technically? Or to repeat history?” Merlin questioned him.

“Well to repeat history, she should be with me and then perform adultery with Lance, so maybe she’s just got it the wrong way round?” Arthur shook his head, “Silly Gwen.” Merlin looked at Arthur, his jaw dropping slightly. Arthur realised what he had said, and began shaking his head, “Not that I want Gwen to cheat on Lance with me, that’s not what I mean at all!” He said, flinging his head back in laughter, exposing his Adams apple to Merlin’s lustful eyes. “Besides,” Arthur continued, pulling Merlin out of his daydreams, “She’s not my type.” Arthur gazed at Merlin, a slight questioning look on his face, as though he wasn’t quite sure what his own type was exactly. 

“Fair enough.” Merlin choked. He grabbed the beers off the table; shut the fridge door with his back.

“I’ll take a few,” Arthur offered, “Despite the legend, and apparently because we’re not repeating history, you don’t have to be my servant. That’s what they say in certain stories right? The great Merlin, Arthur’s manservant!” Arthur laughed, patting Merlin on his back, “Kinda funny though, isn’t it?”

“What’s that, sire?” Merlin smiled, taking his advantage to joke about with Arthur and even flirt slightly, though he was rather sure Arthur was completely straight. With a face like that, how could he not be? 

“Well…I just feel like I know you from somewhere…” Arthur’s eyes hesitated onto Merlins, before he shook his head, and continued speaking, “well, all of you. And us lot being together as a group, with names like ours – Arthur, Merlin, Lance, Gwen, Morgana. Pretty sure Gwaine was a knight wasn’t he?” Merlin shrugged his shoulders, just watching Arthur as his spoke. “And Percy can be called Percival for the means of this joke.” Merlin just laughed, “What’s the other ones name again?” Arthur looked at Merlin, “Your boyfriend?” Merlin watched as Arthur struggled with the word boyfriend, and wondered why- he didn’t come across homophobic.

“Michael.” Merlin stated.

“Aw, dammit! He ruined the whole “knights of the round table” theme there didn’t he!” Arthur joked, making his way out of the kitchen, with Merlin following. “Need to find yourself a new, Arthurian boyfriend, Merlin!” Arthur turned to smile at Merlin, though Merlin didn’t expect him too as he was following right behind. He looked up at Arthur’s face, almost feeling the heat of his breath he was that close. Arthur just smiled and winked at Merlin, before turning back and entering the living room.

“Yeah…” Was all Merlin could manage, before following Arthur into the living room.


	9. From my experience of people

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin knew people were watching, but he didn’t care, for the alcohol running through his veins was telling him that this was not Michael. His brain knew it was Michael, but Merlin didn’t want to listen to his brain. He didn’t want to kiss Michael, he wanted to kiss Arthur. He didn’t know why, all he knew was that he couldn’t, that it was forbidden yet felt familiar, and therefore it was attractive.

Everyone one was certain that the next morning they would most probably be regretting how much they had to drink this night, but at the same time nobody cared. The alcohol continued to flow as they ordered pizza. They didn’t bother putting another film on, just put the music channels on instead.

Merlin was leaning against the wall by the TV, smiling at the scene around him. Gwen was dancing with Lance, Morgana was dancing with Gwaine, and Percy was jokingly trying to dance with Arthur, yet he was having none of it. He looked over to Merlin with pleading eyes, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Merlin just shrugged, smiling back at Arthur. He laughed and Arthur flipped him the finger. Merlin blushed, licking his lips and looking down. He looked up again, and caught Mordred staring at him from across the room. He looked down again, and looked up, forcing a smile at Mordred. He watched as Mordred weaved in and out of his dancing friends, strutting towards him. Merlin shuffled slightly, fiddling with this thumbs. 

He looked up again and Mordred was a metre away from him. He smiled nervously, feeling the alcohol move through him. He suddenly felt less nervous about Mordred’s presence. Mordred put a hand against Merlins cheek, and smiled. Merlin smiled back.

“Michael…” Merlin started.

“Shh…” Mordred put a finger to his lips and quickly replaced that finger with his own lips, crushing them against Merlin. Merlin felt some familiarisation with this sort of kiss, reminding him of the night before, yet the alcohol in his system seemed to wash these doubts away. He placed both hands on Mordred’s waist, kissing him hard back, imagining Arthur’s skin under his fingertips. Mordred’s arms wrapped around Merlin’s neck, his fingers pulling at his hair.   
Merlin knew people were watching, but he didn’t care, for the alcohol running through his veins was telling him that this was not Michael. His brain knew it was Michael, but Merlin didn’t want to listen to his brain. He didn’t want to kiss Michael, he wanted to kiss Arthur. He didn’t know why, all he knew was that he couldn’t, that it was forbidden yet felt familiar, and therefore it was attractive.

He imagined putting his hands on Arthurs waist, on that piece of skin that was revealed earlier, stroking the hair that led down to under his trousers. He imagined Arthurs fingers in his hair, tugging at him, pulling him closer until their bodies grinded towards each other. 

He opened his eyes for just a second and hated himself for it. He could see Mordred smiling into the kiss, knowing he had gotten what he wanted – a reaction from merlin. He felt Mordreds tongue flick out onto his lips, and his hands move from the back of Merlins neck and onto his shoulder, his collarbone, and his bruises.  
Mordred opened his eyes, looking straight into Merlin’s and pressed down, pinching his skin, causing pain to sear throughout his body as his nails dug through Merlin’s clothes. Something rushed from his body, a power he could not describe. Mordred pulled away from the kiss, and the sounds of everyone around him came flooding into Merlin’s perception. They were all wolf whistling, all cheering. Mordreds hand stayed on Merlins collarbone for just a second, his eyes burning into Merlins, telling him to smile, telling him to stop being in pain, telling him to be happy. 

Merlin forced a smile, stumbling backwards slightly from the rush of the kiss and the alcohol to his head. Mordred pulled Merlin closer, into a hug and Merlin by instinct wrapped his arms around Mordreds waist – just for show. Mordred kissed Merlin’s cheek, and licked his ear lobe before whispering snidely, “You’re mine, Merlin.” He bit his ear. To others it may look affectionate; to Merlin it was pain and yet another bruise. “Don’t forget that.” He pulled back and smiled sweetly, before pecking Merlin on the lips and taking his hand in his. 

The cheers had died down as Merlin looked around the room. He couldn’t even hear what song was playing from the TV, he just looked at people who thought that they knew him. He watched as Morgana and Gwaine got closer, his hands on her hips and a smile on their lips. He doubted that they even noticed Percy dancing around them, joking around and pretending to grind up and down on them. Gwen looked the happiest that Merlin had ever seen her as she looked up at Lance and received a kiss on her lips, her cheek, and her neck. 

The only person missing? Arthur.

~

“I didn’t see you standing there.” Arthur was leaning with his back against the fridge as he spoke to Merlin. He had one hand holding a beer, and the other was tangled in his own hair. His shirt was raised slightly, baring that small slice of skin that Merlin lusted for. 

“Sorry I was…” Staring? Daydreaming? Wondering about how it would feel to have your tongue on my lips?

“Doesn’t matter.” Arthur waved it off. “Just didn’t notice you, that’s all.”

“That’s why I came in here.” Merlin stated. “I…” Missed you? “wondered where you were.” Merlin looked down at his feet and fiddled with his thumbs. 

“You’re fiddling with your thumbs.” Arthur stated, motioning to Merlins hands. 

Merlin looked up, raising his eyebrows. “Yeah? So what?”

Arthur pushed himself off the fridge and began walking towards Merlin. Merlin watched, as his hips swung from side to side. He walked with the same intent that Mordred did only minutes ago, yet Merlin felt no nerves as Arthur walked with a kinder smile on his face, a shining flint in his eye, and a more relaxed skip in his step. 

“Well from my previous experience of you know, people,” he said, matter-of-factly, “People who fiddle with things, thumbs included, are generally nervous or experiencing feelings of anxiety.” 

Merlin chuckled as Arthur stood only a metre away from him. “Had a lot of experience, have you?” Merlin smiled, before realising the unwanted intent of his words. “I don’t mean like that- I mean-I was just joking – just-” merlin stuttered, his thumbs fiddling with themselves so much that his nails were almost scratching at the skin. 

Arthur clapped a hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “I know, Merlin.” He smiled at Merlin, but removed his hand when Merlin almost jumped back at his touch, rubbing his shoulder with his own hand. “I…Sorry mate?” Arthur apologised, “You alright?” He asked, a worry painted in his eyes. “Are you…are you hurt?” 

“I’m fine.” Merlin snapped, feeling tears form in his eyes – though he wasn’t sure if it was from the pain or the embarrassment of the events, which caused the injury in the first place.

“Okay…” Arthur held his hands up. And took a step back from Merlin, beginning to turn away.

“No, please…” Merlin reached out to Arthur, his fingertips just brushing Arthur’s back. Arthur’s face turned around, looking at Merlin before moving his eyes to Merlin’s outstretched hand.

“Merlin…” Arthur turned fully to face Merlin, “If you’re hurt…”

“I’m not.” Merlin shook his head. “I’m fine.” He nodded. “Just…sorry for snapping at you.”

Arthur waved his hand in front of his face, “Don’t worry about that.” He smiled. He turned around and walked towards the fridge, opened the door and grabbed a can out of it, tossing it to Merlin. “Here,” he said “Now let’s go back into the living room before people start getting suspicious, hey?” He winked.

“Why would they do that? I mean we’re not-“ Merlin panicked as Arthur walked past him. He felt Arthur ruffle his hair and had to resist from leaning into the touch. A touch that, for some reason, felt familiar. 

“I’m joking Merlin,”Arthur shook his head laughing, and exited the room, leaving Merlin in a pool of emotions with no knowledge of how to swim.


	10. You certainly looked happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You are happy with him, aren’t you?” Arthur smiled, his hand hesitating as it slid across the table. It stopped half way, as though inviting Merlin’s hand to join him. Merlin sighed, not meaning to. “I don’t mean to intrude. We’ve only known each other a day but…” Merlin looked up at Arthur and his face was full of sadness, with slight longing. Though Merlin may have mistook that. “Like I said, I feel like I’ve known you before…”

The next morning Merlin woke up without Mordred by his side. He liked it. He liked the freedom. He liked the coldness of the bed beside him. He then remembered that Mordred had left in the early hours of the morning. He had stayed long enough to…to get what he wanted- then left. It was becoming a routine. Though Merlin couldn’t complain, he didn’t want to wake up tangled in his arms. 

He picked up a clean pair of boxers from the pile on the floor and slipped them on, before throwing an oversized t-shirt over his head and exiting his room aiming for the kitchen. 

He stumbled in; sleep still clouding over his eyes. He rubbed them into focus, before grabbing some bread from the side and slipping it into the toaster. 

“Morning.” A deep male voice spoke from behind him, Merlin spun around to see Arthur sitting at his kitchen table, causally sipping from his mug as reading from the daily newspaper as though Merlin wasn’t standing there wearing only his boxers and a top. 

“Hey.” Merlin croaked, scratching the back of his head with his hand, wincing slightly when he scratched where he…where Mordred had smacked his head last night. Merlin suddenly felt very conscious of how his hair was probably sticking up in all angles. 

“You feeling alright?” Arthur asked, looking up from his newspaper. If Merlins eyes were in full focus, not blurred by the tears of sleep, he might have noticed Arthur’s eyes lingering on him slightly longer than they platonically should have. 

“Fine…” Merlin stated, “You?” He brought his fists up to his eyes, rubbing away the sleep and allowing them to focus properly on the room, and mainly on Arthur.

Arthur shrugged, “Nothing a good cuppa can’t solve.” He winked, taking a sip of the coffee. Merlin watched as his winter-bitten lips folded over the edge of the cup, and how his tongue flicked out licking them as he put the mug back onto the table. Arthur looked up, caught his eyes and Merlin looked away, blushing. Arthur cleared his throat, and Merlin just looked up and smiled at him before limping over to the fridge as subtly as possible, though Arthur quickly picked up on it. 

“You okay?” Arthur asked, pushing his chair back as he folded the newspaper in half and stood up. 

“Fine.” Merlin repeated, reaching the fridge. 

“Sit down,” Arthur ordered.

“Huh?”

“Sit down.” Arthur smiled. “I’ll make your toast.” He went to clap Merlin on the shoulder, though probably remembering how Merlin flinched away last night he gently placed his hand there instead, giving a small yet intense rub. Merlin leant into the touch slightly; it had been so long since someone had touched him like this out of kindness. “Want a coffee?”

Merlin limped over to a chair and sat down, feeling awkward at the sight of Arthur making him his breakfast as he sat down feeling helpless. He nodded, “Yes please. Milk, one sugar.”

“Why are you limping?” Arthur asked, scraping butter onto his toast. 

“Just…hurt my hips.” Merlin muttered, this truth being far from the full one. 

“Huh.” Arthur mused. He picked the plate up of the side and turned, handing it to Merlin. He pulled up a chair to sit across the corner of the table from Merlin. He could have picked any chair, any chair around the table, yet he pulled one closer to sit near to Merlin. “Rough night then?” Arthur winked at Merlin and Merlin winced at his words. Images came racing through Merlin’s head – his hands being pinned to the bed, his neck being bitten and teeth ripping his skin, a fist being struck to his stomach, and legs being spread further apart than natural, and helplessly being tormented as his face dug into the pillow making it almost impossible for him to breath.

“Suppose so.” Merlin shrugged, tears pricking at his eyes. He took a bite of his toast, concentrating on how to eat it rather than looking up at Arthur. “Didn’t realise you stayed here last night.” 

Arthur nodded, “Yeah well the others got a taxi, but my house is a little way out, so Gwen offered that I sleep on the couch.” 

“You live on your own?” Merlin asked, hoping Arthur would say yes.

“Yeah.” Arthur smiled at Merlin, raising his eyebrows slightly and Merlin realised that he was smiling at Arthur too.

Merlin cleared his throat, taking another bite of his toast and looking away from the blonde man again. Another question was buried in his throat, and once he swallowed his toast it made it’s way up to his tongue, “Are you not lonely?” Merlin asked, sadly. 

Arthur’s head dropped forward, smiling, “I have my days.” 

“Why do you live on your own?” Merlins toast now lay forgotten on the plate, as he and Arthur leaned across the table to talk. 

Arthur shrugged. “Just used to it I suppose. Moved out as soon as I was 18. My Mother died during childbirth you see,” He paused for a moment before continuing, “and my Father and me had…well, we have a difficult relationship. So as soon as I could, I left.” Arthur stated, as though the life he was describing was not his own and therefore he didn’t have to involve any feelings into it. 

Merlin leaned across the table more, placing an outstretched hand on Arthurs arm, patting it. “I’m sorry.” He felt warmth from Arthurs arm, and though he knew he should, he didn’t want to move his hand. A few silent seconds passed and Merlin went to remove his hand when Arthur placed his on top, patting it the same way Merlin patted his arm.

“Thank you.” Arthur coughed slightly, and removed his hand from Merlin’s and Merlin took that as a cue to remove his own. “Anyway,” he continued, “I bought my own house, the other side of town to my Father. Gwaine and Percy already lived together, and I didn’t want to impose on them. Lance doesn’t live in town – his house is further than mine. So I just stay on my own.” Arthur looked up to be met with Merlin’s sad expression. “Don’t look so sad, Merlin.” He said, cheerily, “It’s not so bad.” Arthur leant back on his chair, folding his arms in front of him, “I get to eat what I want, I don’t have to clean so much, I can watch what I want on TV.”

“Sounds perfect.” Merlin laughed along with Arthur. 

“Yeah…” Though he sounded unsure. “Anyway!” He said, snapping his head up and looking into Merlins eyes, with a grin on his face. “What about you?”

“What about me?” Merlin said, toying Arthur’s eyes with his own.

“Tell me about yourself!” Arthur said, leaning forward on the table again. “How did you end up living here, with the lovely Guinevere?” He exaggerated Gwen’s name, reminding Merlin of the conversation they had last night about the Arthurian names, making him smile. Arthur put his elbows on the table, and his head in his hands, pushing his cheeks up slightly, making Merlin feel like he wanted to pinch them, or stroke them, or kiss them. 

“Well,” Merlin started, “My err, both my parents died when I was young…”

“Shit,” Arthur interrupted. “Sorry, Merlin. There I was going on about how shit my relationship with my Father was and-“

Merlin waved his hand, stopping Arthur in his words, “Don’t worry, Arthur. You were not to know.” He put his hand on the table and as though by instinct Arthur put his on top. Merlin felt his palms sweating on top of the cold plastic of the table and underneath the warmth of Arthur’s skin. 

“Still, I’m sorry.” 

Merlin just smiled, feeling slightly speechless at Arthur’s kindness. He continued his story, feeling conscious that Arthur had not removed his hand. “My parents friend, Gaius, took me in after my Mother ran away. She must be dead.” Merlin swallowed his tears, “I met Gwen whilst my parents were young, as we were schooled together. We’ve pretty much been best friends since the moment she held my hand at four years of age at my father’s funeral.” Merlin sighed; he had not spoken of that moment to anyone. Gwen had only ever brought it up once, reducing Merlin to tears as a result. Safe to say she hadn’t spoken of it again. Gwen was always sweet and understanding like that. Merlin felt Arthur’s hand squeeze his gently, and was slightly aware of this thumb rubbing circles over Merlin’s knuckles. “So, like you, as soon as we were both 18 we moved out and found this place. Been here since.” Merlin finished his story quickly, pulling his hand out from under Arthurs. He looked up, seeing regret painted in Arthur’s eyes but wondered why. 

“Merlin…” Arthur murmured.

“Yes?” He asked, Arthur’s head snapped up to look at Merlin. Merlin felt hope rise up in his chest, though he wasn’t sure what he was hoping for.

“How did you meet Michael?” Arthur’s question wasn’t exactly what Merlin was expecting; Merlin blinked a couple of times before struggling to answer.

“He err, he was a customer at the café one day. Left his number as a tip.” 

Arthur scoffed, “Classy.” Merlin laughed along with him, falling into the abyss of silence again. “How long have you been with him?” Arthur asked, his questions seemed to be getting quieter. Merlin opened his mouth to answer, though realised he hardly knew the answer. 

“Er…” He stumbled.

“Long enough?” Arthur said jokingly, but Merlin could sense truth in his eyes.

Merlin nodded, “Yeah, I suppose.” Saying it sadly, almost forgetting that Arthur was sitting in the room with him. 

“Merlin…” Arthurs voice clicked him out of his thoughts.

“Mmm?” 

“You are happy with him, aren’t you?” Arthur smiled, his hand hesitating as it slid across the table. It stopped half way, as though inviting Merlin’s hand to join him.   
Merlin sighed, not meaning to. “I don’t mean to intrude. We’ve only known each other a day but…” Merlin looked up at Arthur and his face was full of sadness, with slight longing. Though Merlin may have mistook that. “Like I said, I feel like I’ve known you before…”

“I am.” Merlin stated simply. Not wanting to lie any further. 

Arthur nodded, smiling, “I’m glad.” He withdrew his hand, “You certainly looked happy together, kissing like that last night...” Arthurs voice croaked, feeling slightly uncomfortable. Merlin also shuffled in his seat.

“We…” Merlin wanted to fight against him, tell Arthur that he wasn’t happy, telling him that it was all for show.

“Yes?” 

Merlin sighed again. “We’re…” The truth was hanging off his tongue. _We’re not in love. He hurts me, Arthur. He hates me. He threatens me. He threatened Gwen. I don’t even know who he is. I hate his touch, please touch me like he should. Please Arthur._ “We’re happy.”   
Arthur raised his eyebrows, and Merlin knew that Arthur didn’t quite believe him. 

“Okay. Good.” Arthur nodded, clearing his throat as he stood up, avoiding Merlin’s eye contact. “I should get going.” He resisted tucking his chair in, as though he wanted to stay yet he knew he should go.

Merlin stood up, pulling his top down to cover his boxers, and followed Arthur. “Want to say bye to Gwen? I could wake her up for you…”

Arthur shook his head, “She’s probably tangled up in Lance, and I wouldn’t want to disturb them.” He smiled at Merlin, watching him awkwardly fiddle with the hem of his top. “Send them my love, and thanks.”

“I will.”

Arthur turned and walked down the corridor, and Merlin followed. “You don’t have to see me out, Merlin.” Arthur laughed, “You’ll get cold, and I know my way down this single corridor.” 

“I know.” Merlin murmured. He suddenly felt very vulnerable walking along behind Arthur, following him like a lost puppy, he felt a sense of deja vu. He looked down at himself, dressed only in a t-shirt and then up at Arthur again, wearing blue jeans and a casual black shirt. “But I want to.” 

They reached the front door, and Arthur stood on his side, back against the wall and though the corridor is narrow, Merlin slid in to stand in front of Arthur. “Well, thanks.” Arthur said, holding his hand out to Merlin to shake. Merlin took it, and was surprised when Arthur pulled him into a hug, slapping him gently on the back, before rubbing small circles across Merlin’s shoulders. Merlin leant into Arthur, wanting to forget about everything that had happened last night, and just melt into Arthur’s soothing touch. 

Arthur pulled away too soon, leaving his hand on Merlin’s arm. “See you soon.” Arthur opened the door and slid out of the corridor, starting to talk down the road, too quickly to hear Merlin’s reply.

“I hope so.”


	11. Not a bad kisser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Then what’s so funny?” Arthur asked, scooping a forkful of rice into his mouth.   
> Merlin opened his mouth to talk but caught Gwen shaking her head, a wide smile on her face. He just raised his eyebrows at her, and shrugged his shoulders before answering Arthur’s question.  
> “I was Gwen’s first kiss!”

‘Soon’ came only the next day. Merlin was standing in the kitchen, staring at an empty cupboard, wishing that he could use his magic to summon to food – impossible, apparently, according to Gaius, unless he knew exactly where the food was coming on and “supermarket” wasn’t specific enough. 

“You alright, Merlin?” Gwen came bounding in, a smile painted across her face. She walked over to him, clutching his arm in a hug, looking up to her best friend. 

“Not as happy as you, what’s up?” He smiled, “No, no, don’t tell me…” he pressed his fingers to his forehead, pretending to struggle with his thoughts, he opened his eyes wide, “Lance!” 

“Oh shh!” She playfully slapped his arm.

“What’s happened?” He smiled as she almost skipped around the table to pull out a chair to sit down on.

“Nothing major.” She said, “He just said some very sweet things.” Merlin raised his eyebrows at her, urging her to go on, “Some sweet things that I wouldn’t have expected him to say…”

“….Like?” He pulled up the chair next to Gwen, taking her hands in his. 

“Like he wouldn’t want to spend the nights with anyone else!” She squealed, before continuing, “That if I was the only person left to look upon, his eyes would not become tired of me!” Her smile looked fit to burst, and her eyes were rimmed with tears.

“Oh, Gwen! I’m so happy for you!” Merlin meant it. Lance was not the type of person to speak his feelings, he wore his heart locked in a small, tight, metal cage, with the key thrown away in the deepest river, so for him to say these things was a big leap in his and Gwen’s relationship. Yet Merlin couldn’t help but feel slightly jealous. 

Gwen sensed this, “Merlin? What’s wrong?” 

He shrugged, “Nothing. Just hungry!” He made the excuse.

“Yes, I haven’t had time to do the shopping this week…” She said sorrowfully. 

“Too busy kissing Lance?” Merlin joked, lightening the mood.

Gwen slapped his arm, “Ohh, shh! Fancy a takeaway?”

“Gwen we had Pizza like two days ago!” 

“Oh, stop being such a worrier!” Merlin smiled, both of them knowing full well that Gwen was the real worrier of the two of them, just love had taken over her anxieties for a day and Merlin was happy letting that happen. “Shall we invite people over again? What’s Michael doing today?”

“Working.” Merlin answered too quickly.

“Working? He has a job?” 

“Yeah, in some shop, somewhere…” Merlin made up, sure to be vague as when he comes to think of it, Michael had never mentioned having a job.

“Oh.” Gwen frowned, “Well Lance has a day off, and I know Arthur is free too!”

“Arthur?” Gwen nodded, “Where does he work?”

“In some offices, works for that massive estate agent in the city – ‘camelot castles’”

“Oh right, I didn’t know that…” Merlin mused, thinking about how his own job in a café compared to that of working for an enormous business. He suddenly felt as inferior as he did the day before in the corridor.

“Well, you haven’t known him for long have you!” Gwen chirped, standing up to grab her phone from the side, “You hardly know him at all. Today could be a chance for you to get to know him better. And Lance, of course.”

Merlin smiled, agreeing. With Mordred at “work” he could look at Arthur as much as he liked, and as much as Arthur allowed. 

~

“Yes it is true, and I hardly believed it myself!” Gwen giggled, digging into the large noodle dish that her and Lance were sharing.  
The four of them were sitting in a circle on the living room floor – Gwen, Lance, Merlin and Arthur. Gwen and Lance were sharing a dish of noodles, and Merlin and Arthur shared a large dish of rice. It was helpful them liking the same food. An empty bottle was lying on it’s side in the middle, indicating an on-going game of ‘spin-the-bottle’. 

“Your first boyfriend was gay?!” Arthur asked Gwen in disbelief. She nodded, unable to talk through her snorting giggles. “Wasn’t you, was it Merlin?” Arthur leaned over, punching Merlin’s arm slightly, winking at him. Gwen stopped laughing; looking at Merlin as he looked back at her, and to the surprise of the two other men they both fell onto their backs with laughter. “Oh _God_.” Arthur watched the two, burst out laughing. “It was you wasn’t it?” Lance grimaced at Arthur’s words. 

Merlin sat up quickly, doubling over in his laughter, shaking his head, “No!” Merlin exclaimed, “No, No, it wasn’t me!” Gwen sat up as well, wiping the tears from her face.

“Then what’s so funny?” Arthur asked, scooping a forkful of rice into his mouth. 

Merlin opened his mouth to talk but caught Gwen shaking her head, a wide smile on her face. He just raised his eyebrows at her, and shrugged his shoulders before answering Arthur’s question.

“I was Gwen’s first kiss!” 

“Merlin!” She leant back and grabbed a cushion off the sofa, throwing it at Merlin, burying her face in her hands, giggling underneath them. 

“Are you serious!?” Both Lance and Arthur were now in fits of hollow laughter, Arthur leaning back and falling onto his back, next to Merlin. 

“It was….A spare of the moment thing!” Gwen squealed from underneath her hands.

“Spare of the moment?” Lance asked through his laughter, putting an arm around Gwen and pulling her close. 

“We were drunk!”

“Very drunk!” Merlin shouted from on the floor, turning his face to see Arthur grinning at him. Arthur raised his eyebrows at Merlin, still laughing slightly. “We were!” Merlin pushed, “Very, very drunk!” 

“Drunk enough to believe Gwen has a cock? Oh charming!” Lance joked, receiving a slap on the arm from Gwen. 

Merlin slowly sat up, and Arthur followed who edged slightly closer to Merlin – not that Merlin noticed. They moved into the circle closer so their knees were touching. 

“Care to explain?” Arthur offered, once the four of them had gotten comfortable.

Merlin sighed, “Do we have to?” Merlin looked over to Gwen, cocking his head to the side and shrugging his shoulders.  
Gwen shrugged back.

“I think you do!” Arthur laughed, Lance nodding at him in agreement.

Merlin sighed again, pushing a forkful of rice into his mouth and chewing it and swallowing it before continuing, “We were 15 and we were drunk.” He stated.

“Is that explanation enough?” Arthur questioned, raising his hands and looking to Lance.

“I think not!” Lance answered, receiving yet another playful slap from Gwen. 

“Fine! It was New Years Eve, and we were the only single ones there!” Merlin stated, “We were very, very drunk,” He insisted, “and there was a countdown, and Gwen was there, and I was there and…we kissed.” Merlin stated, looking over at Gwen and began to giggle again.

“But…you’re gay!” Arthur said, not believing anything that he was hearing.

“I know I am!” Merlin laughed, catching Arthurs eyes again as he licked his lips.

“Not a bad kisser either…. for someone who’s gay!” Gwen chirped up, giggling, this time she was the one to receive a playful slap from Lance before he enveloped her in a loving embrace, locking lips.

Arthur looked at Merlin again, catching his eye and speaking directly to him, a blush rolling across his cheeks.

“I bet he’s not.”


	12. Come back to mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Gaius, you made me jump!” He turned to smile at Gaius who stood there sternly with his arms crossed.  
> “Guilty conscience?” He asked.   
> “What? No.” Merlin shook his head, wondering what exactly Gaius was up to.  
> “Seems like a nice boy.”  
> “Who?” Merlin asked, distracted from the conversation by a ruffle of papers coming from Arthurs direction.

Merlin felt trapped. Michael was getting more and more hostile. Every early morning Merlin exited his bedroom with new bruises. He didn’t understand. He didn’t know what he had done wrong and he didn’t know what Michael wanted. Merlin only ever left the house if he had to go to work or if Gwen went to the shop. He covered his skin and closed his eyes as he left the safety of his own home.

Things took a turn for the best a month later. He had missed the ruffled blonde haired man, and his throat went dry when he saw him again. He was working in the café and Arthur wanted a hot chocolate, with all the sprinkles, marshmallows and whipped cream – “tiny bit more?” he asked Merlin, a sparkle in his eyes. Merlin obliged, of course, and gave it to Arthur a pound cheaper than it should be. Arthur fought against him, but Merlin wouldn’t allow it. ‘Mates rates’ he called them. Arthur put the pound in the tips box for him before taking a seat at the table furthest from the counter and pulled out his daily newspaper. Merlin watched as his eyes scrolled from side to side, widening in disbelief every now and again, and his head nodded in agreement a few times as well. Gaius watched Merlin watch Arthur, his eyebrow raised. 

“How is Michael?” Gaius seemed to appear out of nowhere, causing Merlin to jump.

“Gaius, you made me jump!” He turned to smile at Gaius who stood there sternly with his arms crossed.

“Guilty conscience?” He asked. 

“What? No.” Merlin shook his head, wondering what exactly Gaius was up to.

“Seems like a nice boy.”

“Who?” Merlin asked, distracted from the conversation by a ruffle of papers coming from Arthurs direction.

“ _Michael._ ” Gaius answered firmly, tapping Merlin on the head with a spoon.

“Oh.” Merlin stated, looking at his feet. He forced himself to look up and remember to smile. “He is.” He said through gritted teeth.

“Everything okay between the two of you?” Gaius’ eyebrow was raised once again and Merlin was so close to telling him everything. He wanted to tell Gaius about how   
scared he was and how hurt he was – how it hurt him to hear Michael’s name and how it hurt him to walk. But he didn’t.

“Fine.”

“Sure?”

“Yep.” Gaius just nodded, though Merlin knew Gaius wasn’t an idiot.

“An idiot I am not, Merlin.” Gaius spoke, as though confirming Merlin’s thoughts. He had a habit of doing that, and Merlin hated it. “I’ve been in love before too, you know.” The old man turned and headed towards the kitchen, picking up a tea towel on his way.

“I’m not…” Merlin blurted out and the old man spun back round to face him.

“You’re not? You mean, you don’t _love_ the boy?” Gaius spoke loudly, and that would have been find if the café was empty and that it nearly was – other than Arthur. 

“Gaius…” Merlin used his eyebrows to motion towards Arthur’s table whom had put his newspaper down in front of him and taken another sip of his hot chocolate.

“Sorry…” Gaius apologised meaningfully, “I just… you don’t love him.”

Merlin sighed. “I do, I do-, I don’t know, Gaius.” Merlin put his face in his hands and forced himself to not break down at work in front of Arthur and Gaius. 

“Merlin.” Gaius said, moving towards Merlin and putting his hands on Merlin’s arms. “I cannot help you if you do not tell me what the problem is.”

Merlin shook his head, “I can’t tell you Gaius.” 

“What is it Merlin?” Merlin shook his head again, pursing his lips, “You mean, there is more than just simply not liking Michael?” 

Merlin rolled his head back, before nodding at Gaius. “I can’t say.”

“Merlin, I-“

“Gaius, I really can’t. Please. I don’t…I don’t want him to hurt anyone else.” Gaius’s eyes opened wide in shock at Merlin’s words and Merlin cursed under his breath, his hands coming up to rub his cheeks and run his hair through his hands. He felt someone watching him and knew that they were talking loud enough for Arthur to hear.

“If Michael has hurt you, Merlin...”

“I can’t talk about it, Gaius. I need to go. I can’t. I’m sorry…” Merlin swiftly untied his apron and through it on the side, “I’m sorry.” He clapped Gaius on the shoulder before he ran out of the cafe, feeling the cold wind and rain hit his face. He had left his jacket in the café, but he couldn’t go back now. He couldn’t face Gaius, and his questions and his goddamn eyebrow that seemed to have a mind of its own. 

He looked up to the skies and saw nothing but black clouds. He looked around him and began walking. He had no idea where to go, but he couldn’t go home – not yet. He couldn’t go home to Gwen and being questioned about why he was home three hours early, and Lance standing behind her saying “Listen to her, mate” or   
“She only cares about you.” As much as he loves Gwen, he couldn’t stand it right now. 

So he walked.

~

He’d only been walking a minute when a hand clasped him on the shoulder.

“Gaius I really can’t-“ Merlin turned around taking the hand in his own, but instead of feeling an old man’s wrinkles he felt smooth skin. He squinted his eyes as he   
looked through the rain to see- 

“Arthur?” 

“Come back to mine.” 

~

Arthur was right when he said that his house was further away than Gwaine’s and Percy’s. 5 minutes waiting at a stop and then a 40 minute bus drive later, they were walking down the road to Arthur’s house. He had Arthur’s jacket wrapped around his shoulders, a hood covering his face – “Have it, I insist. There’s nothing to you.   
You’ll freeze to death.” 

Arthur hadn’t spoken to him in minutes, and Merlin didn’t know what to think of this. Although, Merlin hadn’t spoken either, so they were just as equal in this. 

“This is me.” Arthur announced as they walked down a small driveway towards a tall, thin house. After fiddling with the lock for a few seconds, Arthur opened the door and Merlin followed him inside. 

It was smaller than Merlin had imagined – though he wasn’t sure quite what he had imagined - he had never even imagined being in Arthur’s house – but it was larger   
than his and Gwen’s house. 

“Want a cuppa?” Arthur offered, leading Merlin into the kitchen. Merlin nodded, smiling at Arthur. “You can sit down through there, make yourself at home!” Arthur motioned towards a door the other side of the kitchen, Merlin walked passed him to reach it, smiling again at Arthur, and gaining a small smile back.

Merlin walked into Arthur’s living room. It was small, but cosy. There was a single sofa facing towards the TV and on the wall opposite the door there was a large bookcase, stacked full of books of all sorts of colours and sizes. Merlin pulled Arthur’s jacket around him tightly – it was slightly too big for him really – and walked over to the bookcase. He heard his squelching feet and looked down. He didn’t want to leave a mess so slipped his shoes off, one toe pushing against the heel of one foot and then vice versa. He picked them up with one hand and moved then to the side of the room out of the way before walking forward to examine the bookcase. He traced his fingers along the spines of some of his favourite novels that rested here on Arthur’s bookcase – The picture of dorian gray by Oscar Wilde being one example of many. Arthur even had the full set of Harry Potters, which made Merlin smile ridiculously. He himself had never been able to get into the series, the idea of having to hold a wand to perform magic made him cringe. Though now Merlin wished that even if he had to hold a wand to do it, he wished that he could perform his magic properly. 

It had been fading for the past month, just small things at first – not being able to summon items, losing concentration easily in long incantations, and then there came a point where he could not feel it anymore. Lack of practice is what he blamed it on. Gwen had forbidden him from using magic whilst Lance was in the house, and Michael. Though Michael knew….but Gwen didn’t know that.

“Here you go,” Merlin spun round to Arthur’s voice, “Milk, one sugar…am I right?” He walked over to Merlin and handed him the mug.

Merlin nodded, “How did you know?” 

Arthur just shrugged, “Must have remembered.” Merlin nodded again, smiling in thanks at Arthur and taking a warm sip of the tea. He felt the liquid burn his tongue and swim down his throat, soothing his cold. “Sit down,” Arthur motioned to the sofa, “No, actually. Let’s get you changed. You’re going to catch your death.” Arthur grabbed Merlin’s shoulder and escorted him out of the room and up some stairs and into his room. Merlin stood awkwardly just past the door way as Arthur rummaged through a drawer, pulling out some old trackies and a random shirt. 

“You can wear these.” Arthur smiled, “Though they may be slightly big for you and-“

“Thank you.” Merlin said, sincerely. 

After a moment of eye contact, Arthur spoke again, “I’ll leave you to change.” He walked past Merlin, their shoulders brushing, “I’ll be in the living room when you’re done. Just shove your wet clothes in a pile on the floor somewhere, I’ll get them washed for you.” 

Merlin smiled, nodded, and then he was left alone in Arthur Pendragon’s bedroom, wondering how the fuck life had managed to lead him here in this mess which he hated himself for creating.


	13. You seem to be my only exception.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin dropped his head, “Gaius was…Gaius was asking me questions that I couldn’t answer.” Merlin looked up as Arthur’s head cocked to the side, he shuffled forwards slightly – their knees were touching again.   
> “Will you answer mine?”  
> “Depends what they are…”  
> “Are you happy?”

Less than 10 minutes later Merlin walked into the living room, looking slightly awkward as he tripped over Arthur’s trackie bottoms. Arthur was right; they are too big for him. Merlin didn’t mind though, this was the warmest he’d felt in so long, wrapped up in clothes that had once been on Arthur’s back. 

“There you are!” Arthur turned; beaming at Merlin, and Merlin found himself smiling back. Arthur patted the space on the sofa besides him, “Sit.” He ordered. 

“Listen Arthur, thanks for this I-”

Arthur shook his head, “No need to thank me. I watched you run out in a complete state, wearing nothing but a black tee into the rain, what else was I meant to do?   
Hmm?” Merlin shrugged.

“Leave me?” Merlin whispered, looking up at Arthur.

“I would never do that.” Arthur spoke strongly, and Merlin blushed; yet he held Merlin’s eyes, until they both decided that it was time to sip on their tea.

Merlin sat back, melting into Arthur’s sofa. It was a small sofa, not leaving him much room to sit, but he sat comfortable, with Arthur having one leg crossed underneath him, their knees gently knocked together every now and then, and if Merlin really wanted to, he knew that he could move just a few inches to the right and his shoulder would be touching Arthurs. He didn’t though. He just sat still. 

“Talk to me, Merlin.” Arthur looked to Merlin, turning sideways to face him better, crossing his legs on the couch, and Merlin felt further away from him than ever as their knees no longer accidently knocked. So he turned on his side too, crossing one leg and leaving the other dangling off the edge of the sofa.

“I don’t know what to say.” Merlin whispered.

“The truth. Why did you run from work?” 

Merlin dropped his head, “Gaius was…Gaius was asking me questions that I couldn’t answer.” Merlin looked up as Arthur’s head cocked to the side, he shuffled forwards slightly – their knees were touching again. 

“Will you answer mine?”

“Depends what they are…”

“Are you happy?”

Merlin sighed and looked at Arthur. He wanted to tell him the truth, how he’s not happy, he’s not happy at all and he couldn’t remember the last time he was happy.   
So he didn’t tell’ Arthur the truth. “I can’t answer that.” 

Arthur nodded, “I understand.” Arthur looked into Merlins eyes and Merlin knew that he did. “Why aren’t you happy anymore, Merlin?”

“What makes you think I was happy to begin with?” 

“Because I’ve seen how you feel and I know it’s all new to you and you’re struggling in all of these emotions, right?” Merlins jaw dropped as Arthur described him so   
perfectly. Arthur rolled his eyes, “Shut your mouth, Merlin. You’ll end up swallowing flies.” Merlin laughed at this, bearing his teeth in a wide grin. “That’s more like   
it…”

“What?”

“I like to see you smile.” Merlin smiled again, and Arthur smiled back, and Merlin felt quite content with life for just that small second there. “It’s Michael, isn’t it.”

Merlin sighed. “I’ll take that as a yes.” Arthur stated, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists.

“Arthur, you don’t understand…”

Arthur stood up from the couch suddenly, causing Merlin to flinch. He banged his mug on the table.

“No, Merlin!” He shouted, pointing at Merlin, “You don’t understand! We are all so worried about you! Gwen is, I know Gaius is, and I certainly know that I am! You’re   
acting so out of character…” 

“Arthur…”

“…and we cannot help you if you don’t tell us what the fuck is going on, Merlin! Let me help you, I want to help you, I don’t know what it is but I can’t stand seeing you like this!”

“I can’t!” It was Merlin’s time to shout. He put his mug down on the floor and stood up, facing Arthur, chest to chest and he slapped his hand out of the way. “Do you really think I would be suffering like this if I could tell you? I don’t care what you think, Arthur, but I am not a coward!”

“I don’t think you are…”

“He has forced me to do terrible things, Arthur. He has hurt me again and again, and he has pushed me right to the limit, but I can’t stop him! My body is painted in his marks, in his bruises.”

“Merlin…” Arthur wrapped his fingers around Merlin’s wrist, rubbing circles along his knuckles to sooth him, but Merlin wouldn’t have it. He snapped his wrist out of his grip.

“No Arthur! I do not need your help. You think you can just swan into my life after hardly knowing me, predict what I feel, tell me how to live my life like you’re some   
knight in fucking shining armour! I may be called Merlin but I am not your servant, and you are not king fucking Arthur! I can’t be helped, Arthur, I can’t be saved!”   
Merlin stopped shouting, and caught his breath, heaving, he felt a tear run down his face. He went to catch it when he felt Arthur’s hand on his cheek, his thumb   
rubbing it away. 

“I’ll save you.” Once again Merlin slapped his hand away and stepped back.

“You can’t, Arthur. Don’t you understand? Didn’t you hear what I said? I am not yours to save. He’s trapped me, he’s got me good and he knows he has. He rolls your   
name off the tip of his tongue like it’s poison and he uses it against me. He uses all of you against me. You, and Gwen, and he said he would kill her if I told anyone anything and I will not have her die on my conscience, Arthur. And I will not have you die either!” Merlin dropped to his knees but Arthur caught him pulling him onto the sofa, pulling him into his chest and holding him as he sobs. “Please, please, don’t try and help me.” Merlin finally stated, he pulled himself up out of Arthur’s arms, though Arthur strongly kept his hand on Merlin’s shoulder. It crept up to behind his neck, and tangled it’s fingers in Merlin’s hair. Merlin leaned back into the touch, closing his eyes as Arthur’s fingers stroked away his worries.

“It’s too late, Merlin.” He roughly spoke. Merlin opened his eyes, “How can I not help you when all I want is to comfort you as you cry, and hold you whilst you sob. I   
can’t just stand back now, Merlin. You’re my friend, now. You’re…” 

It was quick, and Merlin just wasn’t expecting it. Arthur pulled Merlin’s head closer to his and clashed their lips together in a forceful kiss. Merlin winced as he bruised lips collided with Arthurs, but he felt no pain. Arthurs tongue flickered out to sooth them, to heal them of their bruises. The kiss was everything that Merlin had imagined and more; it was all that Merlin had yearned for. He felt warmth run through him and he felt his magic rumble in the pit of his stomach and he smiled into the kiss of the thought that Arthur made him so happy, that he could feel his magic once again. 

Arthur broke the kiss too quickly, “Merlin, shit…” He leaned back, away from the fragile boy, looking down at his lap, “I shouldn’t have, I’m sorry, you were vulnerable, you’re broken I…”

“Arthur, shh.” He rocked up onto his knees and swing one leg over Arthur so he was straddling him, both hands locked into the blonde boys hair, running his fingers through just like all those times he had imagined. It was softer than he expected and he never wanted to let it go. Arthur’s hands were on the small of Merlin’s back, pulling him closer, so their foreheads were pressed together. Merlin dipped his face and pressed his lips against Arthur again, as for when they were moulded into one, Merlin forgot his troubles. It felt normal, it felt familiar, it felt like this was always meant to happen. Merlin pulled away for breath, and leaving Arthur’s lips for just a second caused Arthur to moan in annoyance.

“Arthur,” Merlin breathed, “I just had no idea you were….”

“Gay?” Arthur asked, “Neither did I, until I met you.” He smiled as Merlin pecked his lips again, “There’s something about you, Merlin…something familiar.” Merlin   
nodded,

“I know what you mean.” Merlin whispered, closing his eyes as Arthur kissed his eyelids softly, “I feel like I’ve known you for so long.” He smiled his first truest smile in a while, “I don’t know what it is, Arthur. I just…have we met before?” Merlin laughed, raising his eyebrows and Arthur laughed along.

“I don’t think so, Merlin,” Arthur chuckled, and Merlin’s lips attached to his throat, feeling the vibrations along his tongue. “You’re the first man I’ve ever kissed, I   
know that for certain.” He felt a blush crawl across his cheeks as Merlin kissed him once again. He pulled away, smiling, “You seem to be my only exception, Merlin.”   
He kissed Merlin again, slipping his tongue between his lips and painting his mouth with his passion. Merlin moaned into his mouth.

“I’ve wanted this for so long.”

“Me too.”

“Please don’t…” Merlin pulled back, hesitating for a second, letting his fingers fall out of Arthurs hair and onto his shoulders. His heart was pounding in his chest and   
he felt the hairs on his arm prickle his skin. 

“What? Merlin, what is it?” Arthur leaned forward, stroking Merlin’s nose with his own. 

“Please don’t hurt me like he does.” Merlin felt pathetic saying it, but he scared himself by trusting Arthur with so much in such little time. 

Arthur showered his face in small pecked kissed, “I will never do such a thing to you, ever.”


	14. Beneath me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So why did you go?”  
> Merlin shrugged his shoulders, “I had no where else.”  
> “Ah.” Gwen raised her eyebrows, “Except for your house ten minutes down the road, of course.”

“Merlin!” Gwen threw her arms her arms around his neck. “Where have you been?” She held on tight as Merlin tried to walk down the corridor. He felt like an adult carrying a child. “And don’t say work!” She let go of him and stepped back, arms on her hips. “Gaius rang.” Her brow furrowed, looking down on Merlin as though he was a child.

“Gwen, listen…” Merlin started

“Just where have you been?” Gwen asked, her voice soft, “I’ve been worried.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. But you didn’t need to worry.”

“He was with me.” Gwen watched as Arthur’s head popped out from behind Merlin.

“What?” 

“I was in the café when he…” Merlin flashed Arthur a look, “…When he left. He had nowhere else to go. So, I took him back to mine.” Arthur slid past Merlin, standing   
in front of him slightly, and patted his back friendly. 

“Oh,” Gwen nodded, making sense of the story, “Oh, well thank you Arthur.” 

“No worries, Gwen.” He shrugged. “What are friends for?” He looked back to Merlin, smiling fondly at him. Gwen just nodded.

~

“So…” Gwen was bustling around the kitchen, making Merlin a cup of coffee and a simple toasted sandwich. 

“Gwen, I can make my own sandwich…” He went to stand up.

“Shh you, and sit.” Merlin sat, folding his arms like a naughty school child. “Tell me, Merlin.” She slipped the sandwich under the grill, grabbed a mug off the side and sitting next to Merlin.

“Tell you what?” 

“What’s Arthur’s house like?” She asked, smiling into her coffee.

Merlin coughed, “Huh?” He took a sip of his coffee, “Have you never been there?”

Gwen shook her head, “Oh no. I’ve never been to his, I think Lance has been there once but that was only to help him move in. His house is quite far out.”

Merlin nodded, “Yeah, like a 40 minute bus journey.” 

“Mmm, exactly.” Gwen raised her eyebrows, “So why did you go?”

Merlin shrugged his shoulders, “I had no where else.”

“Ah.” Gwen raised her eyebrows, “Except for your house ten minutes down the road, of course.” 

“Gwen, don’t.”

“What about Michael, Merlin?” Gwen asked sternly.

“What about him?” Merlin shrugged his shoulders, not wanting to taint the memory of his first moment of happiness in months, with the guilt of Michael. Guilt, which he believed he shouldn’t have to feel. 

“Merlin, maybe you should tell him,”

Merlin shook his head. “What he doesn’t know can’t hurt him. Besides, nothing happened with Arthur and me. He was…he was just there.”

“Yeah?” Gwen questioned, her head tipping to the side, “So why do you look so happy?”

Merlin rolled his eyes, “Why can’t I be happy?”

“Merlin, you stormed out of work to avoid questions from Gaius – a man you have trusted with everything, and yet you tell me that you’re happy? That you’re okay?” 

Merlin nodded. “I spoke to Arthur and now things are okay.”

“So what am I meant to tell Michael? About where you’ve been?” Gwen’s voice was raised slightly, but still tainted with a worried tone. 

“What? Why should you have to tell him anything?” Merlin stood up to take the sandwiches out from under the grill, putting one on a plate for Gwen and handing it to her.

“Because he’s been asking where you are for the past two hours! He said that you were meant to text him after work or something?” 

Merlin rolled his eyes, “Dammit, yeah I was.” He took a bite from his sandwich as he thought to what he was doing at the time when he should have been finishing work, two hours ago. He specifically remembered Arthurs lips trailing from his neck and down to his collar bone….”Did he text you then?”

Gwen nodded. “Yeah, he did.” Gwen put her hands on the table. “He’s coming over, now.”

“Why?!” Merlin threw his sandwich onto the plate. “When did you text him?”

“Sorry!” Gwen immediately apologised, shaking her head in disbelief, “I don’t really understand what I’ve done wrong. Surely you’d want to see him, I thought he’d be the first you went to, when you left work, I--”

Merlin waved his hands, “Shh, doesn’t matter. Of course I want to see him.” He took a bite from his sandwich and swallowed, stiffly. “I do.” 

~

Mordred entered Merlin’s room and Merlin pretended to be asleep. It was the best thing he could do to avoid any hurt. He didn’t want Mordred’s touch – he wanted Arthur, and he still didn’t understand why.

“Merlin, wake up.” Merlin felt his hand shaking on his shoulder.

“Oh…Michael.” He smiled at him, acting like he hadn’t known he was in the room. 

“I texted you…”

“I know, I hadn’t checked my phone.” Merlin shrugged. 

“Where were you?” Merlin sat up, his back leaning against the headboard, and Mordred sat across from Merlin with his legs crossed.

“I was…out. Not here.”

Mordred shuffled forwards. “I know that. I’m not stupid, Merlin.” Mordred shook his head. “You were with him, weren’t you?” Merlin looked up, slowly shaking his head, taking his time to come up with an excuse, a legitimate excuse. 

“No, I…”

“Merlin!” Mordred leaned forward, his hand outstretched, fingers wrapping around Merlin’s throat. “You were with Arthur!” Mordred turned his head and spat besides Merlin’s face. “Tell me the truth!”

Merlin panicked, seeing spots with the tightening of Mordreds fingers, “Yes!”

“Why?” Mordred growled, spraying spit onto Merlin’s face. “Why were you with him? You don’t want him. You don’t need him. That time has passed, Merlin!”

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean I don’t want you near him. You need to learn your place Merlin. And that place is beneath me.”


	15. A thousand years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "...But I know you have a warm heart, and an infallible kindness…” Arthur looked up at Merlin, his teeth shining as he smiled, warming Merlin’s insides in a way he had never felt with Michael. “Not to mention, cute ears.” Merlin laughed at this, only slightly, enough to bare a smile at Arthur. “You won’t be with Michael forever. I know you won’t.” Arthur took Merlin’s hand again. “And when you’re not, I’ll be waiting. I’ll wait a thousand years if I have to.”

“I can’t do this.” The words toppled off his lips quicker than he thought they would. Once the sentence started it had ended. Merlin wasn’t even sure if he had made any sense. He didn’t want to look up, so he curled his hands tighter around his cup of coffee, swirling it, watching the liquid crash into the sides of the mug. He waited for Arthur to respond, but he didn’t. “I…I can’t do it, Arthur.”

“What’s happened?” Arthur’s voice sounded hoarse, as though his throat was laced in tears, and this only encouraged Merlin to concentrate harder on his coffee to prevent him from looking up. 

“I…I don’t...nothing.” Merlin shook his head, defeated. 

“Merlin-” Arthur shuffled forward quickly on the couch, his hand reaching out for Merlins. His fingertips brushed his knee and felt like fire to Merlin’s skin, he flinched, jumping back off the sofa, the coffee in his mug swirling over the sides and splashing onto Arthur’s hand. 

“Arthur, sorry-” Merlin struggled with his train of thought, “I just can’t…”

Arthur, grabbing a cloth from the side stood up too, wiping his hands, and staying his distance from Merlin. “I understand.”

“I just…I just can’t get him out of my head.” Arthur nodded, sadly. “Arthur I want to, you know I do, I just can’t.”

“I know, Merlin.” 

“I can’t do it. I’m…I’m just so scared.” He put his mug on the table and slumped back onto the sofa, fiddling with his thumbs, and still not looking at Arthur. Arthur followed suit, sitting as far away from Merlin as he could, willing to give him the space he needs.

“You know that I’ll never hurt you, Merlin.” He whispered softly. Merlin just nodded, still not wanting to look at him. 

“He said that too.” Merlin heard Arthur sigh besides him and knew how much he was hurting Arthur. “I have no trust, anymore.”

“What about the other day?” Arthur was almost begging, “When we—when we kissed? Right here, Merlin-” Arthur leaned over and took Merlins hand before Merlin had a chance to snatch it from his grasp. He rubbed soft circles over Merlin’s knuckles and Merlin felt a single tear escape from under his lids. “We kissed, and you felt something, I know you did-”

“Fear.” Merlin stated. “I felt fear.”

“Merlin, please—“

“Arthur, I don’t want to hurt like this again, and he hurts me because of you.” Merlin’s breath caught in his throat as he realised what he was saying, he didn’t want to blame Arthur, he knew he shouldn’t blame Arthur, it wasn’t Arthurs fault, but he had nothing else left to say. Arthur dropped Merlin’s hand and his head.

“I know.” 

“Arthur, you have to understand…” Merlin looked up at Arthur for the first time but found his inability to form words was caught in his throat. Arthur wasn’t looking at him, he was looking into his own lap. His eyes were closed, scrunched as though in pain, and his lips were pursed, forming a straight line. Merlin watched as Arthur sucked in a breath and spoke again.

“I do understand. Of course I do. You’re hurt, he is hurting you, and every time….every time I kiss you, or hold your hand…” Arthur reached for Merlin’s hand again, not looking him in the eye, instead concentrating on the patterns of light freckles across Merlin’s knuckles. Merlin’s breath caught in his throat at the touch. “You think of him.” Merlin just nodded. 

“I don’t want him to hurt you like this.”

“I know. But you have to understand me, too.” Merlin raised his eyebrows and cocked his head.

“What do you mean?”

Arthur looked up at Merlin, their blue eyes piercing each other and Merlin felt his heart in his throat. Arthur’s eyes were full of pain, rimmed with tears, and painted with hurt, and Merlin – though he wanted to look away because of the guilt it caused him – felt drawn to them. 

“You have to understand that I would never hurt you.” Merlin couldn’t move, he wanted to nod, he wanted to understand, but he was too scared. 

“I am with Michael.” Merlin stated. “I cannot be with you.”

“Is that it? You feel guilty? You feel guilty for kissing me, whilst he—“

“Yes.” Merlin cut him off.

“You’re too kind, Merlin.” Arthur sighed, sadly, shaking his head slightly. “I will wait, you know.”

“For?”

“You.” 

“Why?”

“I can’t walk away, Merlin.” Arthur let go of Merlin’s hand and run his fingers through his own hair. “I told you, I feel like I know you from somewhere before, I feel like I owe you this…”

“What are you talking about, Arthur?”

Arthur sighed, putting his elbows on his legs and his head in his hands. “I really, really don’t know.” He said, half laughing. “I just…I will wait for you. You will get out of this, Merlin. You don’t deserve this. You don’t.”

“You hardly even know me.” Merlin whispered softly.

“I know. But I know you have a warm heart, and an infallible kindness…” Arthur looked up at Merlin, his teeth shining as he smiled, warming Merlin’s insides in a way he had never felt with Michael. “Not to mention, cute ears.” Merlin laughed at this, only slightly, enough to bare a smile at Arthur. “You won’t be with Michael forever. I know you won’t.” Arthur took Merlin’s hand again. “And when you’re not, I’ll be waiting. I’ll wait a thousand years if I have to.”

“Arthur…” 

“I will,” Arthur sat up straight, speaking chivalrously, “I believe I can make you happy, and I will.”

“I know you can.” 

“We’ll take it slow.” Arthur murmured, “I won’t kiss you for months if that will make you happy. I won’t even hold your hand. I would even resist from brushing your skin with my fingertips, if that’s what you wanted.” He placed Merlin’s hand in the space between them, proving a point. “One day.”

Merlin nodded, softly smiling, and murmured “Thank you.” Unable to find the words to say anything else.


	16. Your eyes didn't even shine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mordred told him that he had spent too much time looking at Arthur; he said that knew what he had been doing. Arthur this, Arthur that – it was almost painful for Merlin to hear Arthur’s name, slipping spitefully from Mordreds lips. He hadn’t seen Arthur in almost two weeks, but that doesn’t mean he hadn’t been thinking of him.

Merlin could feel himself growing weaker, and could feel his magic slipping away from his true self. No one else could see it. No one else cared. Not even Arthur. How could he care? He didn’t know.   
Mordred told him that he had spent too much time looking at Arthur; he said that knew what he had been doing. Arthur this, Arthur that – it was almost painful for Merlin to hear Arthur’s name, slipping spitefully from Mordreds lips. He hadn’t seen Arthur in almost two weeks, but that doesn’t mean he hadn’t been thinking of him.

“Say you’re sorry…” Mordred whispered. He had his chest pressed against Merlin’s back, curled up underneath the warm duvet though Merlin still felt cold. Their naked legs were tangled together, as though Mordred was locking him up, caging him up in his own bed. “Merlin…”

“Sorry.” Merlin murmured. His lips were bruised; Mordred had bitten them too hard again. 

“Say my name.”

“Sorry, Michael.” Merlin whimpered as Mordred’s hand wrapped around Merlin’s waist. It was bruised; Mordred had gripped his hips too hard again. 

“Good boy.” Mordred reached for Merlins hand, holding it in a tight grip. Merlin’s fingers were stiff, his knuckles felt bruised; he had been gripping the bed sheets so tight to keep himself from screaming out in pain. “I don’t like this anymore than you do, Merlin…” He kissed Merlin’s neck, his tongue tracing his hairline. Merlin’s neck was bruised with bites; Mordred has sucked his sensitive skin too hard. “I don’t like you being sad.”   
Merlin felt a tear run down his cheek, though prevented himself from sniffling – it would only cause Mordred to think he was weak. Merlin didn’t want him to think that. Merlin didn’t care what Mordred though; Merlin just didn’t want any more bruises.

~

Merlin woke the next morning and Mordred wasn’t there. “Michael?” He shouted out, to check he wasn’t hiding in any corners. No answer caused Merlin to let out a sigh of relief. He pushed the bed covers off himself, just so his waist and legs were covered, and rolled over onto his back. He looked down at his skinny torso, tracing his ribs with his fingers. His bruises were worse than he thought they were last night.  
His hips were painted in a gleaming purple, in the shapes of fingertips. Some bruises had a crescent cut, in the shape of a finger nail, digging in, holding on to what they believed was theirs. 

The side of his stomach pained him to touch, four knuckle marks on the side, in the shape of a tightened fist. He gripped at him, feeling his tears fall.  
The bruises on his shoulder that were beginning to fade were replaced with new ones, worst than the ones before – or was that just because they were overlapping the old? Making them seem darker, almost sinister? 

Merlin let his head drop back onto the pillow, drowning his face in his sobs, his eyes covering his face, not wanting to see the calmness of the world around him.   
He couldn’t have heard the door click open, otherwise he would have moved to cover his tattered body with the duvet.

“I heard you- Oh my god…” Merlin shot up, not having time to wipe his tears, but grabbed the duvet and pulled it across himself, only to have Gwen rush over to his bed and gently pull it off again. She tucked it in around his hips, covering Merlin’s decency, but her eyes were wide with shock at the sight of his body. “Merlin…who?” 

“Gwen, it’s fine.” He choked, trying to hold back his tears.

“It was Michael, wasn’t it?” It wasn’t a question, just a statement, as though confirming her thoughts. “Merlin…I thought you two were happy?” Her hands covered her face, “That’s why you never wanted to see him yesterday,”

“We were…” He whispered, quickly changing his mind, “We are.” He smiled at Gwen, trying to convince her of his words. “He’s just…rough.” Merlin cringed at the word, knowing that it was true but not in the sense that he made it seem. 

“Merlin…” She sighed, shaking her head. “I think we should take you to Gaius…” 

“What? Why? I’m fine?” He asked, pushing here away friendly, and pulling the duvet with him as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. He failed to hide his winces as pain from his hips soared through him. 

“Merlin, please.” She begged him. He swung his head back, looking up at the ceiling. “He can help you, with these bruises.” 

“I can mend them myself, Gwen. I am magic, remember?” He stated, impatiently. Letting go of the duvet, he stretched his hand out wide, and mustered up his magic, facing his palm towards his stomach. He muttered an incantation and felt nothing. He urged his magic out of him, using all the strength in his body, yet nothing happened. 

“Merlin your eyes…”

“What?”

Gwen sighed sadly, “They didn’t even shine….” Gwen shook her heard, “What’s happening to you?” She added, worrying, “I haven’t seen you smile in days, I haven’t   
seen you use your magic in…”

Merlin shrugged, burying the worry beneath him, and interrupted Gwen “I’m just tired. That can sometimes affect it…”

“Gaius can help you with these bruises, and then we’ll get him to help you with your magic.” She stood up, disregarding his comments as though they mattered very little. She began making her way out of the room when Merlin stood up. 

“I don’t need help!” He shouted at her, losing his last string of patience as though it was blown away in the wind. “Why does everyone feel the need to tell me that I need help?” He felt his panic rising up in him. He had been feeling weaker recently, but losing his magic? That’s impossible. How can you lose something you’re born with? He’s just tired, weak, and his power felt that. 

He felt anger boil up inside him, yet it melted again with the look on Gwen’s face. She looked upset, she looked anxious, and she looked like everything Merlin hated her looking like, yet he had just shouted at her, something he believes that he has never done before.

She shook her head, sighing, “I think you do.” She smiled sweetly at him, as a way of forgiving him though he hadn’t even apologised. She had a gift of doing that, and that’s why Merlin loved her. “I will fetch him. You…you just stay in bed.” And with that, she swiftly exited the room, leaving Merlin feeling more alone than he had done before she had even entered. 

Before she came in, he had himself, he had his bruises, he _thought _he had his magic. Now she’s left, he was only left with his bruises. He felt no magic, and he certainly didn’t feel himself.__

__~_ _

__“Gaius.” Gwen put her hand on the old mans arm as he reached for Merlin’s door handle._ _

__“Gwen.” He turned to face her, smiling gently. Gaius had always had time for Gwen. Though he had only taken Merlin in, he treated Gwen just like the daughter that he had never had. He put his hand over Gwen’s, and rubbed the back of her hand as she gently cried._ _

__“I’m worried about him, Gaius…”_ _

__Gaius nodded curtly, “You say Michael did these injuries to him?” She nodded. “I feel the need to tell someone about him, though I worry that he will only hurt Merlin more…”_ _

__“It’s not just that, Gaius.” She whispered, worried Merlin might hear her._ _

__“What is it Gwen, dear?” Gaius took a step away from the door and towards her, hand still clasped on hers._ _

__Gwen swallowed back her tears before continuing. “I didn’t want to scare him earlier, when I was with him. I don’t know who else to turn to, Gaius.”_ _

__“You know you can trust me, Gwen.” He smiled at her, she knew that he was truthful with his words, “You and Merlin are the children I never had. I will always do everything in my power to protect you.” His eyes glinted at this, and Gwen smiled knowingly. She had always wondered if Gaius was truthful when he told Merlin at a young age that he was the only person Gaius had come across with magic. Gwen had seen Gaius do things, just small things that couldn’t be explained with science. Merlin was suspicious too; between the two of them he and Gwen had come to the conclusion that Gaius knew a bit more about magic than he let on._ _

__“Its just, before I saw Merlin this morning… you know, in these past few days, and forever really, since I first knew him… I could glaze over his eyes and see warmth, and they would glisten and I could see my own eyes in his reflection. Now they are no longer warm, and they no longer glisten. This morning I saw them in a different light, Gaius – for they are broken, they are lonely, and they are scarred with pain and…and I don’t know how to help him Gaius, all I know is that I put all my blame upon Michael.” Her voice cracked, and tears fell from her eyes and Gaius patted her hand._ _

__“Like I said, Guinevere,” He smiled, calling her by her true name, “I will do everything in my power to help him. He is not destined to break so soon.”_ _

__Gwen knew never to question Gaius’ words, even when they were strung together in riddles. She smiled, stepping back and watching as Gaius stepped through Merlin’s door to treat her friend._ _


	17. The land we once ruled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But we are still magic Merlin, some of it still exists! It was brought back with us, we are special. We could rule the world like Arthur ruled his kingdom, don’t you see?” 
> 
> “No, I don’t see at all.” Merlin stated, feeling hatred burn within his veins, and power boil in his blood. “All I see is that I was happy before you, I have a gift, as do you, and yet you still wish to use it for evil. I will not let Arthur die. Not again. I waited too long to watch him die again at your hand.”

Merlin was under. Gaius had drugged him, general anaesthetic, soothing his pain as he healed him. The bruises were deep, damaging his blood, damaging his skin., and so close to damaging his organs. He needed healing.   
Merlin wasn’t sure if he was conscious or not but his vision was white. 

“Arthur…” He moaned. It was the only name that came into his head. If he was to speak only one name for the rest of his life, it would be this name. A hand came to his forehead. He wanted it to be Arthur’s but it didn’t feel that way. It felt old, it felt wrinkled. 

“Merlin?” It was Gaius.

“I’m dying, Gaius...”

“Merlin, it’s Gaius. You’re coming into consciousness, but you are weak.” 

“My magic, it’s gone…” 

“Merlin, what are you saying?”

“He…he took it.”

“Who did?”

“M-…Mi-…Get Arthur.”

“You want Arthur, here? Arthur Pendragon?”

“Yes.”

~

“When he wakes, he will be strong again Arthur. Don’t try and rush this. He has tried several time and slipped back into unconsciousness.” 

“Yes, okay, thank you Gaius.” Arthur placed a hand on the old man’s shoulder, nodding, “Why—why did you call me?”

Gaius shrugged, “He asked me too.”

Arthur just smiled. “I told him that I’d wait. You’d think he’d be a little more patient.” He smiled, chuckling to himself slightly. 

~

“Merlin, I don’t know if you can hear me but I’m going to talk to you anyway, just like the arrogant prick I am. Remember, you called me? When we were kissing? I claimed that I knew that you liked me from the very first moment, and then you called me it. So I’m going to keep talking, and I’m going to keep holding your hand and I’m going to keep stroking your forehead until you bloody well wake up. I told you that I’d wait for you, I told you that I wouldn’t touch you if you didn’t want me to, but I can’t help myself, Merlin. Not when you’re like this. Gaius says that I mustn’t rush you, but any time soon will be great…

“I just…It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I shouldn’t have given into you, I shouldn’t have given into your taste on my tongue, but I did Merlin, and look at the trouble it’s got you into… No wonder you were so scared…  
I don’t even know why I’m shaking. I mustn’t be worried, Gaius has only used some anaesthetic on you, keeping you under for a few hours, it’s not like you’re in a coma or anything, I know you’re going to wake up, but I’m scared for when that will happen…

“What’s going to happen when you wake up, Merlin? I know who did this to you. Gaius wouldn’t tell me, and Gwen couldn’t tell me, she was on the edge, bursting into tears at any given moment. I know it was him though, I know it was Michael,” Arthur leant over Merlin’s body and kissed his lips, putting in as much love as he could, as though it was the last time he would kiss him. ”And I’m going to kill him for what he did to you…”

“Are you now?” 

Arthur let go of Merlin’s hand and stood up, spinning around to the sound of the voice.

“Michael…” Mordred stood by the door, leaning against it, propping one foot against it with his arms folded. A smirk rested on his face. “I didn’t hear you come in.” Arthur stood up straight, taking a step closer to Mordred.

“I’m not Michael.” Mordred smirked, rolling his eyes, “and I didn’t want you to hear me, so you didn’t.”

Arthur shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger “I don’t understand, of course you’re Michael.” He pointed towards Mordred, “You’re Michael, and he trusted you!”

Mordred tutted, sighing as he pushed himself off the door. “Yes, well that was his first mistake I suppose.”

“Mistake?”

Mordred nodded, “Yes. He was mistaken to trust me.” He took a step forward towards Arthur but Arthur stood his ground, squaring his feet and folding his arms across his chest, “Well, you all were really.” Mordred spoke slowly, calmly, checking his nails as though he had better things to be getting on with. “You shouldn’t have trusted me, Arthur Pendragon.”

“I never did.” He stated. “Not for one second.”

“But poor Guinevere did.” Mordred scoffed, “And you didn’t exactly warn them off me, did you? What a good friend you are…and now Merlin is paying the price for it.”

“You did this to him!” Arthur felt his anger boiling up inside of him, balling his hands into hard fists.

“See, now that was Merlin’s second mistake.” 

“What are you on about?”

“He went to you.” Mordred smirked. “He fell for you, Arthur. Again. Like he did the first time around. Though he never admitted it. He protected you with his life. That’s what I wanted. I knew he would, and now I’ve got you here…”

“The first time around- what are you talking about-?”

“--And now because of that, he is asleep here, and here you are pining after him, holding his hand, threatening me, calling my death, when you have no right.”

“Do not blame this on me, Michael! This was at your hand, this was your doing! You could have killed him!”

“Don’t be so melodramatic.” Mordred tutted. “I don’t want him dead.” His eyes shone as he looked at Arthur, his teeth snarling like a dog ready to attack. “You don’t know anything do you, Arthur? Nothing of your destiny, nothing of his…” Mordred motioned towards Merlin, still lying unconscious, as pale as a sheet. 

“Michael, what are you talking about? Stop talking in riddles and start making some sense.”

“I am not Michael!” 

“Then who are you?” Arthur whispered.

“Do you not remember it, Arthur?” Mordred’s voice turned to a whisper. He let his arms drop down at his side, and he looked like a child, small and innocent. Arthur looked into his eyes… they reminded him of a child he was sure he once knew. 

“Remember what?”

“The land we once ruled! Then land that you governed, and I protected! We were so great, King Arthur!”

“Stop taking the piss, and get out.”

“But I’m not. Arthur. My lord. Sire.” Mordred took a step towards Arthur, placing his hands on Arthur’s shoulders. Arthur felt a shock run from Mordred’s hands and it repressed him to his knees.

“What the-?”

“It does not seem like yesterday that I was knelt like this before you, Arthur…”

“I think you’ve got the wrong guy.” Arthur shook his head, trying his hardest to make light of the situation.  
Mordred slapped Arthur across the face, “You knighted me. You trusted me, and I, you.” He grabbed Arthurs face in his hands, “Do you not remember? Do you not see? You saved me, you killed my lover, you betrayed me and yet your death was always destined to be at my hands. Even until now.” 

“Who are you?”

“Arthur Pendragon. If I tell you, I will have to kill you.” Mordred smirked, eyes shining gold, “I might as well do them both at the same time, but I didn’t think I would be doing this so quickly, I thought Merlin would have figured it out, perhaps remembered. But he didn’t, and for once he isn’t here to save you. He’s just sleeping as you walk through death’s doors.” Mordred stepped back and held his palm out towards Arthur.  
“I am your destiny, Arthur Pendragon, as is Merlin. I am Mordred.”

Strikes of lightening shot out of Mordred’s hands, lighting up the entire room. Arthur felt something pull him back, as the lightening bounced off the walls, a hand gripped at his shirt and pulled him backwards. Hitting his head on the wall, he opened his blurry eyes to see something that looked as though it could only be from a movie. He scrambled backwards, as far as he could, his back hitting the wall and watched the scene unfold in front of him.  
Michael, no, Mordred was standing in front of him, arm stretched forward with lightening stretching out. Arthur’s eyes followed the lightning, colliding with another strike, which came from the palm of…. Merlin?

Merlin lifted his other hand, pushing his magic out further, doubling his efforts as he felt every type of power muster up inside him before bursting out of his hands. He had never felt so alive.

“How are you doing this!?” Mordred screamed, whilst trying to push his magic to overcome that of Merlins. “I took your power! I took your magic! It should be dead inside of you!” 

With one swipe of Merlin’s hand, Mordred flew backwards, head hitting the wall with his magic failing him. 

“You clearly underestimated me, Mordred.”

Merlin threw his covers off him and stepped out of bed, walking towards Mordred who stayed slumped against the wall.

“How?” Mordred insisted.

“No, Mordred. I am asking the questions now.”

“So you know my name?” Mordred laughed. “It’s about time…”

“Yes. Last night. I heard your incantations. I felt your power, and I remembered the visions that had been haunting me – you, attacking me at my own front door, using your magic to ruin my memory. It was then I realised who you must be. You telling Arthur your name just now allowed the pieces to click together again.”   
Mordred went to stand, but Merlin pushed him down with a short spark of magic, striking his legs and Mordred screamed out in pain.

“You’re a fool, Merlin.” 

“As are you, Mordred.” Merlin smirked, “Overseeing the simple stuff. Overseeing the power of good over evil. Love…” He glanced back at Arthur, “Over hatred.”

“But you know who you are, now?” Merlin nodded solemly. “And you know why I am here?”

“I will not let it happen again.”

“So you remember? You remember the old times? You remember Camelot? Albion? Arthur’s death?”

“Merlin…” Arthur stood, finally gaining the power to speak, “I remember…”

“Arthur stay back…”

“What did he mean by my death?” Arthur stood just behind Merlin, looking down on Mordred.

Mordred smirked, rolling his eyes, “The same as what I said when I am your destiny, Arthur.”

“Destiny can be overlooked, Mordred! The old religion no longer exists! Arthurs destiny is not at your hands anymore!” Merlin shouted, holding his palm as it faced down over Mordred’s body.

“But we are still magic Merlin, some of it still exists! It was brought back with us, we are special. We could rule the world like Arthur ruled his kingdom, don’t you see?” 

“No, I don’t see at all.” Merlin stated, feeling hatred burn within his veins, and power boil in his blood. “All I see is that I was happy before you, I have a gift, as do you, and yet you still wish to use it for evil. I will not let Arthur die. Not again. I waited too long to watch him die again at your hand.” 

“Oh really?” Mordred raised his eyebrows. There was a quick shuffle and Merlin couldn’t stop him. Mordred grabbed something from his coat pocket and threw it, aiming it at Arthur. Merlin watched as it flew through the air, it was like déjà vu, like the first time Merlin saved Arthur’s life, back in Camelot. But this time Merlin couldn’t stop it. It stabbed into Arthur, the knife’s sharp tip piercing his skin and embedding into his body.

Merlin ran over to him, catching him as he fell onto his knees. He cradled his body, grabbing a t-shirt from the floor to gather around the knife, soaking the blood. “I told him you’re not here to save him, Merlin.” Mordred scowled, “And I was right. Once again, you were too late. Let us rule this land, without the mortal Arthur.” 

Merlin didn’t think twice, with one flash of his eyes the large shelf on the wall fell, cracking into Mordred’s skull, killing him instantly. A surge of power burst from Mordred, pushing against Arthur and Merlin and throwing them against the wall.


	18. Thank you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I loved you then, Arthur. I could never tell you, not back then. It wasn’t accepted; it wasn’t normal. Besides, I was only your servant, and you were in love with Gwen, and you can’t deny that – you were. But I waited for you, I’ve waited for thousands of years, just like you promised me that you would.   
> Some things change. Morgana’s changed. She no longer has magic, and she’s no longer evil. Gwen doesn’t love you, she loves Lance – and it’s about time he told her that he loves her too! Life’s too short.
> 
> Maybe you’ve changed too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the penultimate chapter, the next chapter will be the epilogue! :) Hope you've all enjoyed reading it. This is the longest fanfiction I've written, so it's been a challenge, but i've thoroughly enjoyed it :)

“Merlin…” Arthur choked, and Merlin wiped the blood running from his mouth with his own thumb.

“Arthur, Arthur please, shh. Trust me, okay. I’m going to fix this!” 

“Don’t leave me, Merlin…I remember…” 

Merlin held Arthur’s head in his hands, and pressed their foreheads together. A strange sense of déjà vu filled him, he remembered the last time he did this. The last time he had Arthur cradled in his arms was so long ago, yet felt like only yesterday as his memories came flooding back. He didn’t want today to have the same ended, so he pushed this aside by pressing a kiss to his lips. “Stay here!” He stood up and ran out, slow enough to hear Arthurs retort.

“Not going anywhere…”

Merlin ran. He ran out of the room, sprinting in to the kitchen expecting to see Gwen or Lance sitting there, but instead saw-

“Gaius!” He was on the floor, back agains the kitchen cupboards.

“I felt…Mordred…” Gaius got up with a hand from Merlin, “What happened?”

“It’s Arthur, he’s dying.”

“Not again.”

“Yes, again, Gaius, and I can’t lose him again but---- hang on, you knew about this?”

“I remember, Merlin. Just now...something happened, threw me onto the floor, I remember…”

“Gaius, I can’t let him die. Not again.”

“You cannot always overrule destiny, Merlin. You of all people should know this, by now.”

~

“Arthur, I know that you can’t hear me, but I’m going to keep talking anyway. Like the arrogant prat that you are, ha. I’m going to keep holding your hand, though it is limp in my grip, and I’m going to keep stroking your forehead though it is cold against my touch. I need your touch, Arthur. 

I never meant for this to happen. I didn’t know. I knew nothing, I had no memory of any of it. Maybe if I told you that I had magic as soon as I met you, perhaps I could have prevented this from happening…I don’t know. I’ll never know. That’s what hurts me the most. 

I didn’t understand it. Gaius explained it to me. I remember Camelot now, but I don’t know if you will…or would have. You were King Arthur, and I was just your servant. You served so well, and it was my destiny to save you, but it was always your destiny to die at Mordred’s hands. Guinevere…Gwen was your wife! She was queen! And you once joked that she had picked the wrong boyfriend, didn’t you? I won’t tell you the story of her and Lance, though…

Gwaine and Percival, that’s Percy, they were your knights, loyal and strong. Morgana, she was your half sister. She was like me; she had magic. Though she turned against you, back then. She was evil, the upmost of all evil. Gaius reckons that she didn’t come through as the same this time as she fully regretted her actions last time. Mordred didn’t, however, and he wished to repeat his. 

I didn’t regret mine, either Arthur. I was born to serve you back then, and I never regretted a life lost if yours was saved. That’s why I still have magic. That’s why we were brought together.

I loved you then, Arthur. I could never tell you, not back then. It wasn’t accepted; it wasn’t normal. Besides, I was only your servant, and you were in love with Gwen, and you can’t deny that – you were. But I waited for you, I’ve waited for thousands of years, just like you promised me that you would.   
Some things change. Morgana’s changed. She no longer has magic, and she’s no longer evil. Gwen doesn’t love you, she loves Lance – and it’s about time he told her that he loves her too! Life’s too short.

Maybe you’ve changed too. Maybe…Maybe this time, my love for you will be returned. Because I do love you, Arthur. Always have. I remember that now. I won’t hope though. To have you alive, that would be good enough. Anytime soon would be great, you Clotpole“ 

“Merlin…”

“Arthur!”

Arthur gripped at Merlin’s hand as he sat up, resting his back against the rest board.

“Clotpole? Insulting me already?” Arthur joked, smiling.

“Of course not, I was just …”

“Shh—“ Arthur shook his head, “I’m only kidding.” 

“You should be asleep.”

“I haven’t been asleep for about 20 minutes.” He shrugged.

“You heard--?”

“Everything.” Arthur smiled at Merlin.

“You must think I’m mad, having magic.”

“Scary, maybe. Mad, no.” Arthur shook his head, “Just special.” Merlin blushed, squeezing Arthur’s hand. “My own personal sorcerer.” 

Merlin smiled, “Your own personal Sorcerer?”

“Mine. All mine. I remember everything now, Merlin.” Merlin leant forward, capturing a kiss from Arthur’s swollen, pale lips. “I remember us. I remember Camelot. I remember everything that you did for me. I remember that I died. Do you think the others will remember?”

Merlin shook his head, “Gaius doesn’t think so. Says they were too far out from Mordred’s magic to remember as much as we do. He reckons when Mordred died his magic was released, forcing us somehow to remember everything. Gaius doesn’t even remember everything, not as much as you and I do. We were in the impact of his power.”

“Blimey. This is weird. This is…its--”

“Sh, Arthur. You don’t need to say anything. You’re alive now.”

“I still have to tell you one thing, for today. I told you back then, back in Camelot, but for today you deserve to hear it again.”

“What?”

“Thank you.”


	19. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They stepped back from the scene slightly, and their hands brushed together. Arthur took a deep breath, his lips upturned into a smile as he hooked his little finger over Merlin's and clasped their hands firmly. Merlin felt beads of sweat escaping from Arthur's skin, he squeezed the blonde man's hand tighter as though he wanted to push his worries away. It worked - Arthur rubbed small circles on Merlin's knuckles with his thumb.

_ Epilogue _

"What are we going to tell them? It's pretty clear none of them remember Camelot."

"Gaius said not to tell them right? So there's absolutely no chance of them remembering like we do? Even if we explained to them...?"

"No, Gaius said it took a lot of magic for Mordred to force us to remember, and that magic was lost in his death."

"Well, We'll just say you and Mordred-"

"Michael. I still can't believe I was with Mordred. I mean, I had sex with-"

"Alright! Anyway, you and Michael didn't work out."

"Where's he gone though?"

"He's er….gone to live with his parents! Moved away. Ashamed because…"

"Because?"

"Because he cheated on you!"

"Great."

"What?"

"I'll be getting lots of sympathy then, won't I? Though I'd rather not tell him what he's…what he did for me."

"We won't. Anyway, you deserve the sympathy, for the things you've been through."

"No I don't-"

"You do."

"I d-"

"Merlin, shut up."

~

Arthur and Merlin walked out of Merlin's room and into the main living room to join the others. Gwen was absent, bustling around in the kitchen with Lance helping her. Gwaine and Percy were sitting on the sofa, discussing the recent football results. Morgana was quite content sitting on Gwaine's lap whilst he was talking, and his fingers were tangled in the ends of her hair. They hardly noticed the two boys enter. They slipped past them and went into the kitchen.

"Hey, boys!" Gwen said cheerily, placing a kiss on each of their cheeks. "How are you, both?" The two boys nodded cheerily, shaking Lance's hand.

They stepped back from the scene slightly, and their hands brushed together. Arthur took a deep breath, his lips upturned into a smile as he hooked his little finger over Merlin's and clasped their hands firmly. Merlin felt beads of sweat escaping from Arthur's skin, he squeezed the blonde man's hand tighter as though he wanted to push his worries away. It worked - Arthur rubbed small circles on Merlin's knuckles with his thumb.

"Wha-?" Lance looked down at their hands and looked between them and Gwen, his eyes wide. Gwen, however, just smiled proudly, her eyes gleaming with tears.

"Lance, you alright?" Arthur laughed, pulling Merlin's hand closer to him, holding it with his other hand as well.

"Sure, I have no problem with it…" Lance folded his arms, "What about Michael?"

"He's gone." Merlin spoke up, sternly speaking. "He's moved away."

"Ah, I'm sorry mate." Lance clapped Merlin on the arm.

"Don't be." Arthur interrupted. "He's a cheat." Arthur gripped Merlin's hand tighter, "Merlin's better off without him." Merlin caught Arthur's eyes and smiled, a blush spreading across his cheeks.

They heard a ruffle coming from the other room and Morgana's voice echoed through the room.

"Merlin, Michael cheated on you!? The bastard!" Arthur and Merlin let go of their hands as Morgana enveloped Merlin into a close hug. Arthur looking wearily at Morgana, as though he expected her to attack at any moment. Merlin moved closer to Arthur, taking his hand and rubbing circles over his knuckles with his thumb, squeezing his hand reassuringly. Morgana is okay,he told Arthur with just a soft look into his eyes.

"Woah…" Gwaine and Percy followed, both pointing their fingers at Arthur. "You were…" Gwaine fell speechless, pointing at Arthur's face, and then down to his hand.

"Ah, boys." Arthur held his hands up in defence.

"You're-?"

"Lads, I suppose I gotta tell you something." Arthur grabbed Merlin's shoulders pulling him to his side, and taking his hand once again. He murmured in Merlin's ear,   
"Didn't talk this part through did we?"

"Nope."

"Your fault."

"Is not."

"So, you're gay?" Percy asked calmly, "Not that we're bothered, right Gwaine?"

"Not at all!" Gwaine smiled, "Doesn't bother me! Just…was unexpected." He grinned at Arthur, looking between him and Merlin.

Arthur stroked circles on Merlins knuckles, as thought it was their way of reassurance, and looked at him, smiling.

"Yeah, it was a bit." Arthur smiled, bumping shoulders with Merlin, both of them laughing, Arthur turned to whisper in Merlin's ear as the others grabbed drinks from the fridge, "I'm sorry I made you wait so long."

"It's not your fault." Merlin turned into him, his hands on Arthur's shoulders. "I couldn't remember Camelot, either."

"No," Arthur shook his head, resting his hands on Merlin's hips, "I mean, I made you wait, in Camelot. I should have realised that you were more than just a manservant to me."

"You loved Gwen."

Arthur nodded, "I did, I'm not going to deny that. But if there were nothing between us in Camelot then why would I be so drawn to you now? I should have seen you for who you were, I should have realised that you were more to me back then than Gwen would have ever been. You saved my life. A thousand times over."

"Don't apologise." Merlin smiled, "We can just make up for lost time now." He pulled Arthur closer, ignoring the scene of people around him and kissed Arthur softly, feeling his eyelashes flutter against his own.

"Thank you, Merlin." Arthur smiled against Merlin's cheek as he pulled him into a tight hug. Merlin relaxed into Arthur's touch as he felt Arthur's heart beat hammer against his own chest. He felt safe, whereas before he felt vulnerable. He felt loved, whereas before he felt hated. He knew, now, this was where he belonged, and anything that Mordred could have given him, what they could have achieved combining their powers, it would never have compared with this.

"You really have got to stop saying that, Arthur. It just doesn't sound right. That's three times you've said that in, what? Over a thousand years?"

The boys smiled, kissing each other again, and moulding their bodies together as one, as they have been parted for far too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you ever so much to everyone who has stuck by this story, commented with kind comments and/or constructive criticism, or even if you've just read it now! it means a lot to me!


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